Not so much to say


Almost the whole day home and without net. What did I do? Not much.
Applied money from.. tkt. Let’s see.

Right now I’m just listening two sample songs from Once We Were’s new album contra. It will be released on 18th october and I’ll try to get it asap. Visit their pages for more info and eventhough I hate myspace visit their “ms” site too since the samples are there. I was already anxious when I heard their mp3 single “repulsion” which is still one of the best songs for a while and now these two samples are promising at least as much as repulsion. Contra will be a double album.
Visit also tenderversion, which will release Contra and has just (well a couple of months ago) released Audrey’s “Visible forms”. From tenderversion’s site you can also find “repulsion” if you don’t have it yet.

And loaded on my iMac. Might be useful radio.

Getting Late

fire fire fire

but that is no surprise.

Got the invitation to St.petersburgh today. Money application should be sent by tomorrow and preferably by both of us, S and me. That’s not going to happen. So what to do? I’ll sent one for myself? And of course doesn’t tell the train trip prices for russia. Bummer bummer.
Maybe a wild guess will do?

I’m getting slightly annoyed how things are taken care of, but then again why should I be annoyed. I don’t have to go and of course I could’ve asked info earlier on. Still, I’m annoyed.

And my netspace provider haven’t answered to the question I’ve made. For some reason I cannot create more e-mail addresses eventhough it should be possible quite easily. And I’ve been thinking that after my contract with darlingdear provider ends I would transfer darlingdear to the same provider as waveway, but if this continues like this I have to think again. Usually though they answer quite quickly.

Still no answer from q-olio either. I cannot get q-olio mails to my own mac and I don’t know why. darlingdear mail is gettin way too much spam so I think I have to change that address too. We have too much e-mail addresses anyway.

All of you finnish speakers, check this.

So much for nothing.

No house


Internet is definetly work of the devil. Takes so easily time. Addictions are so obvious.

I just called and asked would the red house be on sale or free to be rented. No, it isn’t.
Guess we’ll have to leave the island then.

Here’s still some time so you never know what might come up, but it looks quite hopelessness.

What kind of class should I keep today?

Class went alright although too fast suddenly. I didn’t got the to lowerback because the lack of time. Next time.

So typical of me. Now I have 84 pictures for my next 8cm cdr’s layout but I have not one song fully recorded. I don’t even know what songs there’s going to be. I know two of them and for the other one I don’t have proper lyrics yet. But layout, that I know.

Talked with N for a couple of hours in a phone. It’s very nice. It would be fun to see her more often but no can do. Travelling is way too expensive no days.

So many unfinished projects.

if it’s once I got it


if it’s twice I don’t…

Opened my flcker account today to put up some pictures from Oku Jam.
search with waveway if you want to find them. Nothing special to be sure, it’s really hard to take good pictures out of CI. This we know.

Visited unenployment office, they were quite nice. I think I have to visit them again after 4-5 months.

N called me and asked do I know anything about applying money for the trip to ST.Petersburgh. I don’t know a thing but luckily there’s another applying season just before we go. Now it would be easier of course, but we have 3 days to do the application and I don’t know a thing.

Found some live’s from DMST finally from the archive. You should visit. And of course took the Mogwai’s Helsinki gig on my computer.

Recorded some more guitars today. Hard hard hard. Hardest to find right tempo for the click. I have such a clear visions about the layout, I wish I had as clear thoughts about lyrics and production.

Having problems with this More space. In other words I have to decide what I’ll take of to make space for something new.

Played with flash a bit this mornign. bugger bugger bugger.

One advice, Space.

Since lastfm doesn’t take everything I listen:

Ryoji Ikeda – VPRO live
Steve Reich – Six pianos
Philip Glass – Glassworks

Reading – Da vinci code. My god the language is crappy, but the story goes along nicely.


windows windows widows
I’m upstaits and writing. Listening Logh’s sunset panorama from my iMac. Jeij.

I just called to internet provider though. We got connected on tuesday and everyday the line has been down a couple of hours. That shouldn’t be like that. They agreed but couldn’t really say what is the problem.

Visited Oku Jam. It was nice and mellow. Weird to go there again. Nice to see some people though. An I got “minä olen” project’s pictures out of there finally. When I moved out on spring I just couldn’t fit them into the car.

I got some work, I took over R’s teaching in university sports. Example class went quite nicely, but on the secand class one girl fainted. Well I warned them that when you stretch your neck muscless it might affect to the head. And she even sneaked into the backroom before she fainted. Oh well. No injuries, I just didn’t felt so nice after that.

Again I should write about some important matters. but I wont’.

Home, coming

don't know really
I was rowing to get to the continent and to the city. Noticed someone looking in from the windows of the red house. Decided to ask if the person owns the house. Missed him, but got some info from the friendly neighbour. Now, do we seriously think it could be possible? Answer is, maybe. I think it’s possible, maybe. I’m not sure what she thinks exactly. We talked yesterday about going abroad. To study to US or something else. I notice I’m not so intrigued by this. I rather stay home. I rather have a home, somewhere else than NY. She agreed. But it’s a possibility. We can make it work if we want and we want.

Few words about politics, the struckture, I guess. I thought, I think that politics of the country should be made by thinking poeple’s living, their life, their values, their well being. What I see now is politics that seem to concentrate of well being of companies. Big multinational companies and their profits. I hope I’m wrong.

Yes they have big cities everywhere. And in all those big cities they have problems. Why we need to follow example that we know is bad. Same goes with suburbs and immigrant and unemployment. Do we really need big cities and if we do, why?

Human is a social being, and at the same time selfish. Well, I’m not sure anymore what is human. SHould we preserve that word for some thing and call ourselves just animals what most of us (including myself, sadly) seem to be. Although animals can somehow seems to be more noble, and honourable. No no, we’re not all bad, but we’re no good either. What are we.

New cult of luna sounds great. Still.

Don’t take it tooseriously.

Good luck to you all.

why bother

he whose face gives no light shall never become a star

Joo joo, should apply money.

Now R is giving up her teaching, maybe, and she could, maybe, give them to me. DO I want to teach stretching? Well it’s notreally stretching in a way but it is… well well. Let’s ask can I? Can I teach it? I’m not really sure. I’m so very stiff myself. Then again it would be good to teach stretching 3-4times a week. maybe I would get more flexible. And the money and the experience wouldn’t be bad either. But Can I?

I’ll go to see her class today.

Been listening to Frankie Sparos Welcome Crummy Mystics. I didn’t remember it was so good. Yesterday evening I picked up My Red Scare but I didn’t get around to listening to it really since I wanted to hear some Philip Glass I’ve loaned from library.

btw, I’m always confused about the use of words loaned and borrowed, I borrow to someone, I loan from someone? Right? Or was it anotherwayaround?

One more to go

windows we see
Send one more work application.
I’m just a lousy writer, the spelling mistakes I make even in my own native language, damn. But then all the stuff I want to teach and do don’t really have much to do with writing. Only problem is that most jobs and most grant (all) are applied with written text. I would like to do it verbal, please.

Very soon the dates for grants are goen. I have to grap myself and apply something for something.

Good news is that I got the base guitars for the song I call “old age” ready, well almost, I still think I might play the other one again. The song is definetly my long time favourite. Again I have the lay out figured out even before the songs not to even mention about the lyrics. Maybe I have to start to do lay outs for people instead of music. Hah.

Library is Godsend. Piles of Arvo Pärt, Steve Reich and Philip Glass.

Few words about

boat boat boat

about understanding.

When we talk about art,
there’s really nothing to understand. And again, of course there is but why do you need to worry about that. You will understand something. It doesn’t really matter are the things you understand excatly the same things as the artist understands.

We can have intellectual approach to art, it’s quite fine and fun, but it isn’t really necessary. Necessary is to give. To be able to see/hear/feel you have to give time, you have to give a chance, you have to give up your expectations which will never be full filled anyway. And if you do this I’m quite sure you will receive, maybe even more than your ever expected. Maybe not, you never now. But if you don’t give anything, if you only want to receive but at the same time being closed to what there is to receive, chances that you leave dissapointed are much bigger. This is my opinion.

Art is not about being something else than you are. You don’t have to be smart, you don’t have to behave or dress certain way, you don’t have to be approved, you don’t have to please anyone. You can make your own intrepetation (spelling?) and it’s alright, it can be dumb it can be simple it doesn’t matter except what it matter to you. What do you get out of it?

If you don’t come to see art because “i don’t understand it anyway” you will never understand anything. Give it a chance. It’s not a one way street.

Helps both ways.
-beautiful song btw, on Mogwai’s come on die young.

Lately I’ve been listening to:

the White Birch – come up for air
Kronos Quartet plays Philip Glass
Deathprod – 6 track
Torchous – Variations
Band of Horses – Everything all the time
Animamina – animamina (who knows all the information is inside the vinyls corvers, I don’t want to break them)
Weazie – pathfinder ep (my vocal track is still bit a head of the rest in my opinion, but the maestro himself thinks it’s fine, so it is)

And I finally ordered net connection and the woman said it will probably take about 3 weeks. Jeij.
I will take my iMac to the island after all.

Today I fixed up helcite yahoo group. How nice. We have such a lot of CI teachers already in helsinki.

so what’s new

vinyls we play all day

On sunday we had a bunch of nuns coming to our “living room” and start to design the place for altar. Since we’re told…
well first we were told that the nuns would be interested to rent both houses, also the small one where we live. Then we were told that the “move out” threath has gone away, the nuns are only interested for the big house. But since I heard they would like to visit the small house also I was a bit suspecting that they might have changed their minds again. Still it was a bit surprise that they’re already planning altar into it. We had a small discussion when we should move out. First they said (the nuns) as quickly as possible after january (since they’re moving in on january) but our landlord said that according to law there is at least 6 months release time, so we have at least that. Later on when he had discussed more with the nuns he came and told that we can live there at least till next june.

Now we have about 9-10 months to find a new place to live. Problem is that we’re both so goddamn picky. The house should be a house, not a falt. A house with an own yard, preferably on an island where there’s no cars. So quite like the place we live now, maybe a bit bigger and cheaper.

Yesterday and today I’ve been searching through the net for houses, and a funny thing, there doesn’t seem to be houses on an islands that are on sale. There’s quite a few in the coast but of course they’re really expensive. Lalalaa. Lucky we have time.

Sari messaged me and asked would I like to go and perform in st.petersburgh on december. Well sure, now I need to figure out where to get money for it. Since probably they won’t have big enough buget to pay all of our expences. I think they have even less money in russia for dance than “we” have here. Well maybe it depends on the form of the dance.

Eventhough I am quite broke, I of course priorise music, more or less. So I visited Digelius and found out that they just had that Deathprod’s 6-track, 10″ vinyl limited to 1000. And then they had Kronos plays Philip Glass that I had to get. And then the store keeper sayd that there came another vinyl from Rune Grammofon. I wanted to hear it a bit and then he played it until I said I’ll get it.
The vinyl was and is from the band (or should I say a guy) “the white birch” and it’s really quite quite quite lovely. No regrets for buying it.
And no regret’s of getting that kronos/glass cd at last. Mishima is beautiful and all of the rest are too but mishima really hit’s the point for me. Another Key. I would like to see the film, and hear the whole score if there is one. Next time I go to digelius I have to check the box “Glass on film”, maybe it’s there.

good things and bad things. Everything’s the same,as always.

I don’t know

feathers fall we fall all falls, this fall

If there’s something positive, it’s that I had enough money to pay the rent.
Next good thing is that I know that I’ll get paid a half a month for a work we have to start doing about now. And I’ll get paid I guess on february next year. But This is my choice completely. I chose to go and study dance and I chose not to find other job. And hey, it really nice to be able to do and work with dance and get paid, even if it is just a half a month.

No one has contact me about those study hours I offered, and it’s been two weeks now, even more. I am very dissappointed. I asked on the aplication that they would contact me even if the answers is no, so I would have some clarity. But nothing, really annoying.

I understand that I should write something smart, concerning the whole world and so on, or at least some specific that some one would have some reason to read this. But wtf I can say. Everything’s the same, we all should know this (eventhough I know we don’t).

“Everything and everyone and in the end we all are one, truth shall not be denied”
– SDRE on The Rising Tide

Listen to sunny day real estate.

This conclusion leads us to difficult situation. Everything’s the same so what’s the point. We have a tendency to look out for points. Point, reason, reasoning. There’s no point. You can make one for your self if you want. Go ahead.

If I have understood correctly there is a law in physics which says roundabout that the amount of energy is set. Energy can and will change it’s form but it will not dissappear. Like in light bulbs, the energy (electricity) given, transforms into light and warmth and those will transform into something else. The amount of energy in the universe (what ever that may be) is set. Everything’s the same.

So why do you live your life?
What’s the point?
Do you really think that there is things like “must” and “have to”
I have to go to work I hate, because…
It comes up to the question that some of us know well, and have heard quite a few times. What is important?
Tell me.

That’s why I feel there’s no point of me going to work somewhere I don’t want to. There is no “must’s” or “have to’s”. Eventually some those must might lead to the point where I have choose do I want to stay alive or not, I admit, but that’s the only must and have to. I have to die.
All this includes you and everybody here. We don’t really have to. We have a choice. and making choice we affect.

We are pressured to make certain kind of choices and to live certain kinds of lives. We are pressured to agree on “what is important”. Do we agree? Is economical wealth really important? Is fashion really important? Is art really important? Is make more money now really important? Is taking care of those who cannot take care of them selves really important? What kind of society we want to live in?
What on earth is economical wealth if we cannot take care of our elderly, of our sick and of our children. Go on buy the new BMW and put your mother to sickhouse where there is only one nurse versus 5 patient, and your BMW costs more than that nurses three year salary. What is important?

All these catastrophes we earn.
We will extinct, and there’s no heaven nor hell for us and it’s ok.
Everything’s the same.