rather tuesdays…

No it’s not tuesday.

Sad as I am.

Lonely as I am.

So often people say that suicide is cowardice. When they themselves would never have the courage to do it. And they keep on living their meaningless lives because they don’t know what else to do. To go somewhere you truly don’t know nothing of, no one knows nothing. And to overrule the strongest biological human instinct, that needs total control of yourself. To end yourself.

Just makes me wonder.

I should think of applications. To get some chance to make art.

Just got Green Carnations acoustic verses. It’s good, sure.
Listened PJ Harvey’s white chalk once through. Nice, Although it’s annoying when they don’t tell that it’s 45rpm instead of 33. Well I figured out quie soon, only after a minute or so.

Velvet Cacoon is really quite quite awesome.

As is new Nadja, but I notice that I keep on listening “I have tasted the fire inside your mouth” over and over again instead of listening those “new(?)” songs. Now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.
I also located the orginal I have tasted the fire inside your mouth 3″cd-r and got it. It doesn’t make sense I know.

Jesu’s Lifeline seems happy with the first listening. It probably is.

I still haven’t got new Ulver which really annoys me big time. Post has probably lost it or something. Fuck.

Aidan Bakers Green and Cold is brilliant, but that I should have known long time ago.

I should get more Aidan anyday now. Let’s hope post don’t do more mistakes.

Also some more vinyl treats should be coming my way anyday now.

Already got KTL 2&3 which are good… well at least the 2 is, I haven’t listened 3 more than once so maybe I should be more careful with my opinions.

Got Nadja’s Guilted by the Sun on green and white. I sold the white, since I have white vinyl so much already. And I knew Marko will like it.

Ok this is just listings of new music but really there isn’t much else happening in my life. I’m sad of course. Thanks for friends, they help. I mainly either feel lonely and sad or think about sex, listen to music and read some book. That’s it really.

Of course I should write something sensible, like how all the newspapers are really blaming nurses big time (they are having this fight, industrial action over their wages which are way too small.) It’s funny when women demand more money for the important work they do, all they get is blamed for not doing it with the low wages. Fuck. My message to all nurses out there: Leave your job, go abroad, until you get what’s deserved.
Think about this. Those suckers in technology industry and big companies has fucked up finlands finance time and time again and what do they get. 5000€ salary for fucking things up and then some golden handshake. Where as people who are saving lives get 1700€ and if something goes wrong they get sued. Fuck em. I’m just embarrased that the newspapers are so one sided with this. Suddenly there’s stories about bad nurses and how small children will die if the nurses leave their job. Well how about paying them decent salary then if it saves lives for Christ sake.

All of this makes me just so angry. I wish I could write as well as I can talk.

Anyway, we don’t need more people here.

tie die, tye dye

What ever.

Here we are then, with a bad posture and quit alone even though not completely, because either we are always alone or we never are. Then how we perceive it, is a totally different thing. quite. Relativity of things yes yes yes.

KTL 2 & 3 coming. Now did I like the first one? apparently. I wish I could remember.

It would be time to reorder (=pay) waveway again. Now I’m thinking should I just change provider? But then again, for what?
Maybe it’s not so necessary just yet. Eventhough Someplace else I could have loads of datebases. But I’m not so sure what I’ll do with them anyway so why bother.

Mainly life….

So why bother.

But tonight again there’s a chance to dance, so why not.

And I haven’t heard new Ulver yet.
And there’s some songs I should record.
And one video thingy I would like to do, or at least test it out.

So forth.

everything’s the same and still deeply changed

So I’m left.
It’s over and there’s nothing I can do, so she says, except to grieve, live and move on.
I love her so much.

Why it’s always too late when you realize how stupid you’ve been?
Things you should have noticed and done.

Thank God for firends without them I would be so totally loss.
I am loss anyway, the only thing that I though would stay and be forever is broken.

I cannot understand humanbeings.
I’m hurting like hell, I have no idea why do I keep living and still, compared to so many oher things that people
around the world experience this is a normal and minor thing.

How do people live on from wars, violence, deaths?

What keeps us going when everythings feels so bad and unnecessary?

I’m mighty tired.