Lighter still


About a week ago I was seeing Pia Lindy‘s performance Raw. She was dancing and talking and music was improvised by Jerzy Zywuszcza. I have seen Pia a lot so it was no surprise that she is good. I’ve also seen Pia and Jerzy work together so it was no surprise that they’re good. Nevertheless I was so pleasantly, well not surprised but… they’re just so good. Timings, presence (whatever that is), listening, really brilliant work. I haven’t seen that for a while.

Performance was actually in two pieces, first piece was Pia talking and showing a video piece, where she asked some politics few questions, like: What movement comes to your mind from word, life? etc.
Then there was a small brake, and then the actual (for me) performance.

Anyway, on this brake I thought about this question and.

When movement stops?
What is movement? Beginning – end?
What is life?
What is death?

Life is alwasy moving, even when we are still there is always pulse of breath and heart and couple of other things. Probably bunch of other things but heart and breath are the easiest to note.
So life equals movement? Movement equals life?
When I die the movement seem to stop, but it doesn’t, on a microlevel there is movement happening all the time, decaying starts, worms move in, or incase being burned flames move in… movement all the time.
So there is no death, but if there is no death, how could there be life?

Planets keep moving all the time, suns keep burning until they don’t and then they’re not suns anymore.
But movement keeps on going.

So what is life?
To live is to perceive
To die is to stop perceiving?
What perceives?
Who/what stops perceiving?

There is no death, only movement. Everything that ever was, will be something else. Everything that ever is will be something else. Everything that ever will be, will be something else. Everything ever is, will be. Everything’s the same.

So why worry?
Jesus said something like this: Look at the birds of the sky, they don’t sow or reap or harvest. And still they’re taken care of, don’t you think that god loves you more than little birds? So why worry.

Although I think, god doesn’t love me, or us, more than birds, but I also think Jesus knew this, he was just trying to make a point. But then, what the hell I know what he though, or even said. And please don’t think that you know either.

Why worry?
I know that I worry because I try not to worry.
And I worry.

Today I was at the party. It’s hard to meet people, for me. I haven’t decided it, it just is. Clarification, new people. And sometimes things or thoughs or talk just take off. Not today. But it’s ok. I’ve been hoping to meet some new people, and then when I have the chance do I meet them? But it’s ok.

Vaster than empires and more slow.

Piece by piece it all comes together, and I see it was together all along. I divide, I separate. Piece’s are created by me, not reality.

Notion on the previous post River.
I think I said this but anyway.
My perception of the time is Real time.
The time of the clock is illusion, unreal.
My time is reality.
Is there a shared reality?
I think there is shared illusion.
It’s enough, it’s ok.

Perception doesn’t divide anything in to piece’s, it’s my identity, me who does it.
Slightly difficult to grasp these differencies? Right? Words are piece’s, illusions play. Reality can never be revealed by words, but they might give some clues.

This we all know.

I still feel sadness.

Ringing in my ears

While having these pseudo philosophical thoughs, hippie stuff, bloody buddhism and not writing at all I, of course, have been receiving a punch of music. Actually I’ve been having so much of it that I don’t know where to start and what to say about all of them, so maybe I just try to write about few I got a while back.

Let’s start from the fact that my record player, vinyl player is broken, or most probably it just needs new needle, and I’ll get that soon (saturday) and hope that will fix it, but mean while I not going to listen any vinyl I have. And as you can see from the pictures all the stuff I decided (more or less) to try to write about is on vinyl.
But not only.

Glös‘s [I hate myspace] Harmonium is something I had on my computer for a long while, I just never properly listened it through, then it came up and I read that it had same people than in Denali[I hate myspace], sister and brother. I really like Denali‘s first one, and the Glös vinyl was quite cheap and colored so of course I was interested. I listened the album through couple of times and noticed it’s good and ordered it, of course. What I mean when saying good? It’s good, it’s not blowing me away. It’s very solid in a way that I don’t pick up immidiate hit songs but at the same time I could play any song and it would be rather good example what you get. It certainly has connection also musically with Denali‘s post grunge (what ever that is) but more machines added. I miss a bit more vocals from Maura, but it’s ok. Good album.

Almost all of these are actually (co) releases of adagio 830. and I ended up ordering these… well I ordered something from them, but then cancelled it, and check out is there anything I could take with samo price, and all the colored ones we’re their own releases, so… it just kinda happened, also all of these were quite cheap (12€).

Ok but on witht the music. First one was actually …who calls so loud[I hate myspace]. Colored double 10″ with the cd was the catch, but because I’m very poor nowdays (and have always been) I tend to listen music first before buying (yes, seriously.. and no, not always). So I went to their myspace [I hate myspace] and listened the sample songs over there, and was interested, but not straight away. There is something very nice with the actual songs, guitars, drums, intensity, but the vocals are a bit challenging. So I went to explore the wonderful land of internet and found the album. I listened the whole album through couple of times, and started somehow like the vocals, wierd enough. Actually so much that I ordered their 12″ and I was about to order their shirt, but came to senses, and now I’m regretting it. (I think I’ll get the shirt eventually, it had tiger on it)
So the music, what? emo punk, well, maybe not so much of the punk. Emo? well maybe but I’m getting lost with all these genre settings and rules. It’s played with guitars and drums and bass, and somebody is, if not singing, delivering some form of human voice. It has rather catchy things going on somewhere, because even though not stright away sticking in to your head, they will stick to your head. I noticed that had these song playing in my head after those couple of listen throughs, and that was actually the final reason why I ordered it (have I ordered them in cd? good question)
Since thing is that they haven’t named the bloody lp’s, so both are (as long as I have figured out) …who calls so loud other 2×10″ and other 12″ the 12″ doesn’t even have the song names on it (at least I haven’t found them) but the song titles are on their myspace. loves this.

Then Gods and Queens[I hate myspace] were almost same kind of case, but this time I only listened through the myspace [I hate myspace] songs and ordered it. It also came with cd. Punkish art not so much art and eventually I would again say rock. Well always when there is these “choirs” of yelling I think of punk. Also G&Q don’t have any album title, let alone song titles. Nice. But I like the music nevertheless.

Then the one I didn’t know anything of Haram‘s Drescher. It was cheap and yellow vinyl. And this is the of course the positive surprise of the group. Again I would somehow categorize it to emo punk, but it’s really just rock. The album is really good, there something that reminds me of Swervedriver, something how the guitars work together. So again really good guitar stuff, solid drumming, ok vocals and Good songs. For some funny way this makes me happiest from all of these, not the music, but the fact taht I got it. It’s probably just the effect of surprise, but nevertheless.

The last album over there in the pictures are a bit different kind. I didn’t heard it at all before ordering it, but their previous album was and is really good. Mouth of the architect‘s [I hate myspace] The Ties that Blind has grown on me about every time I listen to it, so it was clear I will order their new one, Quietly. On the first listen I was already sure it is good, and it is. After more listening I’m not sure is it as good as the previous, but it is good. Right now I feel it don’t have as much hooks as the The Ties… but this might change during the time. I think Quietly is also a grower.

Other stuff I’ve been having:

  • Boris & Merzbow – Rock Dream (more listen throughs)
  • Omega Massif (more listen throughs)
  • Fear Falls Burning (slowly we lift.. sound really good)
  • Queens of the Stone Age – Era Vulgaris (2 first albums are still the best)
  • Eksi Ekso
  • Bunch of others…. Argh

This basically means that I’ll try to do another post of other stuff, when if I have anything worth while to say.
Well… About Eksi Ekso‘s I am your bastard wings, It’s brilliant, specially the first actual song is blowing, it’s actually such a hit that it almost overshadows the rest of the album, but then, it doesn’t. Great arrangement and orchestrations, singer who has a voice, emotianally and musically powerfull (or is this the same thing?). It reminds me a lot of things, singer brings Bark Psychosis to my mind (if they have connection please tell me, but I think not), Somehow I come to thing that it’s somehow… well no, but maybe Thee Silver Mt.Zion could sound a bit like this too if the Efrim learned (or cared) to sing well, or if he just would step a side and let someone more capable to do the singing.
I actually do have picture also from Eksi Ekso (black/orange), but maybe I’ll post it later with that next bunch of albums.

I hope to get: A good Job with meaningful substance and good enough salary.

Sometime soon, hopefully, some thoughs about living&time



Same river twice… same river all the time.

Time is such a misconception. Usually.

No well… I was thinking about this analogy.. or sometimes I have heard or felt that time just rushes past. So this analogy of river that rushes past and we are on the banks of it.
We are not. We are the river. I am the river of time. Without my perception there is no time, so I create time and the concept of it. That’s why the sense of time is always right. And then we grow up into this clock. Clock is useful, I like the fact that I can agree with my friends to see at five o’clock and usually people are there at five, no matter what is their perception of time. But the time by the clock isn’t real, the time that I perceive is real, that’s why is five minutes (of clock) feels like an hour to me, it is an hour. or other way around. And eventually of course there is no time. there is only our perception. We are the time.

And now I am become time the destroyer of worlds.

We are time all the time. Most probably we are also space. as we are.
If it (whatever) seems big, it is, until our perception changes and then it becomes small or something else.

As it sadly seems.

So if I perceive myself rich I’ll be one. What is the definitions of perception, reality and lie?
Lie is what I know as a lie. Anything else can’t be lie.
What is knowing then?
Uh. But you know.
Trick is to know.
Is perception same as feeling?
If I feel myself sad, am I?
If I feel myself rich, am I?
(yes I’m still thinking about money a lot)

Time doesn’t fly, it not that something changes and we see it changing. It’s us that keep on changing. It’s us who fly, not the time. time is as it were, illusion. Hah.

I know it, but can I believe it? Can I understand it?

teChnIque, rituals

where thorns grow

So what is technique?
It’s a form of action to get to some conclusion, goal, somewhere.
Strategy is almost the same but not quite. Strategy is a more long time survival thing, within strategy you might use different techniques, to get to your goal.

So what do we talk about when we talk about dance technique?
How technique evolved? What were the goals why a set technique was needed?
To get certain body type. To be able to fullfill certain action within certain aesthetics.
Ballet needs a certain technique to fullfill the aesthetics of the ballet, and not only technique also certain type of body to start with. And I think a lot of the modern dance techniques follow the same path.

And now comes a jump. What are or is the technique of contact improvisation?
Is there one?
And there’s not. CI bases on certain principles of gravities and forces and being able to sense these forces and use them. That creates the dance, dance isn’t created by following certain steps or certain aesthetics that would be given from outside. It’s created by principles. Thus, technique is needed to find those principles, and after that we can be free of it (sort of). That’s why teaching contact improvisation is so hard and interesting, you can have thousands of different techniques to sense the gravity of the earth, the touch of another body, the rhythm of the dance, heartbeat. We are trying to find the princles working when doing patterns, but how to explain that so clearly that the pupil will understand the principle behind/without the pattern? At least in my years in school (ground, high) we learned mainly by following examples (and then after my 1st year in dance school that one started to go into same direction, slowly, thank god). There is/was right and there is wrong. I think many people have used to that, we are so keen to hear that we do things right, we want to know what is right. And when we don’t have clear example what is right (since your senses are yours mine are mine, I can’t know what do you sense, but sometimes, I might think I know), we are easily lost, confused, not knowing where to go.

Eventualy I think that most of dance techniques have aimed to getting to know the principles of movement, but so easily they become just empty repeated patterns, with no real substance or content, empty moving shells.

Then again, to be able perform something, well, it often needs technique, or at least if you have it (yo, la tengo!), it will help you a lot when trying to express whatever you’re expressing (even without trying). There is techniques for writing, playing, talking, small talking, etc.
And if your technique is good, it might help, but if it’s just that, without real content, it will be empty and it will be seen, maybe not by everybody, but some or many. This is also something what Pirsig writes about in “Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance” (read it if you haven’t)

Then to connection to ritual… Ritual, how I understand it, became into being by the need of community (to have some goal, conclusion, outcome or maintain something). At some point those rituals were set into more or less strick rules/forms, and eventually they became just a repetiton of words/actions without connection to the community or it’s needs. And lately we have even lost all sense communitys more or less. So now we have old rituals going around the world for new age hippies trying to have the sense of community. But community can’t live without commitment (or can it?), and now days most of us have trouble to commit ourselves to anything. If rituals are separated from the life (everyday normal life) and if they’re not able (not allowed) to be renewed, they become empty shells, serving nothing, except those who gain power by being in possession of making those rituals. But little by little that power will decay since there’s no more people (community) behind it, believing in it.

So Technique or ritual easily becomes and empty shell without substance, but can it work another way around?
This is something I though a long time ago, but typically I didn’t get anything done.
What if I start a ritual, certain routine that repeats repeats repeats and which is at the beginning empty, without any clear meaning to me. Will it, through that repetation create the substance for it self and for me?
I actually think it probably does. Something more than “this is the way I’ve always done it”.

Maybe I get myself by the neck and start, finally, something.

More more more

red rhum.. no robot

Please tell me how to get rid of this need and want of more stuff. I can’t help myself.. or maybe I could but I don’t want to.
So loads of new music, came and coming. + I would like to have some technique, like 1TB western digital, new computer, new iPod and some clothes. How about the travelling then? I would like to travel too.

After feeling some kind of depression or anxiety the week (last week let’s not make statements about the future) rolled on really nicely. Counting votes for couple of days isn’t bad. And we even got some mistakes set straight. Like one candidate was missing over 30 votes. That’s a lot. I understand missing one to five but 30, huh, it’s a thick bunch or paper already. Whatever my candidate got in, but that was no big surprise, kind of a safe bet really.

I got all exited about Sunn O)))’s domkirke and Pentemple, I don’t know why. I mean a lot of that kind of stuff I haven’t really… well… So today I decided to listen KTL which is not the same as mentioned but somehow. And to my surprise I really like them. I mean, I though they’re ok, but like the 3rd is really nice. I think my “new” amplifier and speakers have a lot to do with it. Bassdroness.

One thing that I can’t understand is that Apple hasn’t included firewire in their new macbook? WTF is that? firewire is still a lot more safer bet, specially when working with video. So do I now have to get MB Pro because of that. Could mister Jobs give me a resonable discount for this. I mean FW is their “invention”, why the hell they start to cut it off from their productin line? I can’t get it. I know that usb2 is much more common, but it’s for pc’s for gods sake.

SOS registration has started out really nicely, Ibiza people were the first there. After two days we have 41 people out of hundred.. Nice.

Since I’m geek anyway I might as well tell that I’ve watched Battlestar Galactica season 4 (is there only 10 episodes?) and I’m still in love with 6. It’s a soap, I know I know. but it’s rather entertaining soap and because its soap and quite light, I bear with it much more than sopranos, which I’ve been watching too.

I cleaned up a bit, it’s nice to get something done for a change, hah.

There’s is ever too much…