One down


Ok, one festival down.
I’m totally tired and I don’t understand why.
I didn’t do ay intensive. I did too classes.
I did dance in the jams a lot.
But still being tired all the time is getting tiring.

Tomorrow to siberia, Novo-sibirsk and then night trip on a bus to altai mountains.
More free time… well easier schedule I think.
I took loads of free time now too.

Two weeks still.

Met Ice queen, such a lot of fun.
Met some other people too. Great dances, great people.
Most of them I’ll meet again soon.

But Masha I’ll miss a lot…
Let’s see how my life turns out.
Probably no net for a while.

Oh, one superb thingy, Nathan from conspiracy told that because GLS (well actually Itella) lost my packet) GLS will cover the whole sum. And for cases like this they have a couple of copies saved. so they send me new packet with almost everything in there (Wolves in the throne room missing, but I got that from elsewhere) Now I just hope that my father picks it up…
But superb work from Nathan and Conspiracy Records. So many thanks.

Thought spans…


A door from liverpool, a flat in moscow.
I’m sick. Having a flu, not swine flu I think. Although how the hell I know.
But I know that my love had the same and now she’s alright… I expect myself being ok on the evening…

But it’s strange to have high fever. I rarely do… usually just 37,5 and now it was somewhere like 38,7. And thanks to all this swine hype I needed to think am I scared or not. I was more thinking about her than myself though. Dying is just dying.
And then after reading some stuff from internet, the changes to die on it are not so high after all.
Who knows.

I’ve been sleeping so badly. Not thick enough mattress, and for some reason my left side is specialy hurting… and every time I turn, I wake… so the continuous periods of sleep are ususally around 1-2hours.
Not enough.

All and all this seems to mean that I’ll skip the teachers performance, even if I would be feeling alright tomorrow. It’s always to have some work underneath the performance and now I haven’t been able to do it.

I notice my mind return to the money.
I was asked to teach in barcelona in september, but the pay will not probably cover even the trips from ibiza and back… SO why the hell? BUt then again, why not. money comes.

My thought tries to span the distance, ut somehow it’s just not good enough.

So many things…


ECITE is over, we ended on friday and went of to Liverpool to do some performance.
Friday night performances were at the Blue Coat theater… Kind of usual stuff as shortly improvised performance vise, but the place was really really nice, as a building or atmosphere somehow.
I remember mainly just hoppalappa postfolki tantzi teatteri… but they have worked long time together. Liisa’s solo partial thanks to the child who was crying on the next space, duve kind of thingy, and of course Ville’s verbalopening on the last bit.

What do I have to say about ECITE? Somehow after reading… well it’s not about that. it’s just me. I feel that I didn’t share or exhange so much about teaching, at least verbally. But I exhanged through dancing and dancing was mainly really good. I’m specially happy about dancing with Mathilde in Karl’s DJ jam so that we wanted to continue the exploration as a performance in liverpool on saturday…

I’m jumping around I know.

ECITE was good, let’s see how we figure it out in finland next year.

So on friday performances where in blue coat theater space. On saturday they were in A Foundation gallery space or spaces. A lot of space.
I notice that I get highly frustrated on discussions how things should be done… specially when performance should start around 15 o’clock and we start to talk about overall arch about 14.55.
But I think that beginnings and Ends group score in the big white space were good. Also there was some beautiful small things happening like Steve’s and that livepoolian guys singing in golden space. As well as Liisa’s and Peter’s duet next to the golden space. I just hope more people would have found those spaces earlier and actually seen them well enough. I also think that Mathilde’s and mine small thing was good. I really enjoyed and I was very happy to get Peter’s positive feedback (verbally and graphically) about it.
But maybe the nicest thing in the weekend was that V came to liverpool and we had some time together.

I understand well why buddhist monks were not married.. well some of them are now. But it’s sometimes hard to not to be attached. And when being attached it brings up so many emotions… Good and bad.

After the weekend… We came back to london. On monday, yesterday I had a flight to moscow with Caroline and Lily. We had agreed to see at 14.00 before check-in. I get into the tube at 13:00, minor delays in piccadilly line. aha.. I change tube two times, we sit and wait around… again, so much for me to learn. I sent loads of messages to Caroline that I’m late. Finally I get into airport and check-in (she went ahead but booked space for Lily and me next to her) go through security. get myself a coffee. Gate is open and we wait for Lily who’s also stuck in tube.
She comes through we make it to the gate when they’re boarding, no worries.
In the plane captain announces that we’ll be delayed about 30 min. And we have 30 min change in Wien. No worries.
We get to Wien, run to austrian airlines info desc to find out the gate. We run through security to the gate. Moscows plane is late as well and the woman behind the counter tells us that it’s still possible that we got our luggage on to the same plane. Normally the time between should be 25min, now it’s 19. OK.
Another nie sit in the airplane, and I start to think why the hell I’m coming to moscow now anyway… Well at the time, coming to the teachers meet sounded like a good idea. but being so tired a couple of days rest in helsinki doesn’t sound bad either… but nothing to be done anymore.
We get to moscow, we find our luggage, Jeij.
I get to Andrey’s Jeij, tomorrow teachers meet starts.

Still no sign about conspiracy packet. Finish mail Itella and GLS has lost it somewhere. Itella is doing it’s job so badly.
I hope GLS will find it but they have now looked for it about 3 weeks and no sign. I wrote to them yesterday but haven’t got any answer yet.
I’m not happy about this. almost all of the vinyl in the packet is sold out at the moment.

This comes to owning things again. I want to know that I have them. In real world I wont be able to listen to them at least in two months. if things go like I planned I won’t be able to listen to them until january (well, it’s not a plan, but a hope/wish/belief). And because no one knows the count of our days I can’t be sure will I ever hear/see them. But I still like to feel that they are there, that I own them.. and that’s why I’m not happy about packet’s being lost.

Ok… I start to drift.. later again me thinks.



Ecite is running along nicely… I feel tired and a bit lazy most of the time though, but the dancing and the openess of structure is nice.

Feeling a bit confused.. bodily. like being sick but hearing that I shouldn’t be… well…
Maybe everything is in my head. Like everything eventually is.

CI names and names, and thinking why people adopt buddhist names since names are just names or is that the actual reason for doing so.. To me it seems like a even more forced expression of identity and thus, self, but I’m probably wrong… Although it just seems, I don’t know what it is, so I can’t be wrong.

OK, I’ve been listening myself a lot, I have t do it even more carefully and attentive.
And I need to drink more water.
Things to do.

But what if. I do nothing, but let things happen?
where is the differece?
In intention?

I try not to try and thus I’m trying…

Mate in a morning is like a nice slap in the face but on the inside.

Things will roll


So now. I almost got all of the things packed. Everything is and was full but I managed.
No I need to manage some more with some more stuff.
“kamaan ja tavaraan”…

Thank (insert your desireable deity here) that I booked my train ticket really early from london to liverpool, because the prices can be realy hilarious here. I could pay more from my train than I did on my flight…

And with some luck I lost another 8£ but maybe I’ll get 15£ back.
And it doesn’t matter since money comes

But anyway. I’m here.
I’m not.
What is here?

Freiburg should be a blast this time, not because of the fesival it self ut because of the people who are coming.

Take care now.