Reality
I wake up in the morning of sms. Sami suggesting that we meet somewhere else than I suggested. Soon after another one, my mother asking if I am alright, and asking to send her a message. I’m alright, what has happened?
Two bombs in moscow metro, on a rush hour. But I’m not in moscow, yet.
Over 30 killed, I guess.
And you never know when you die.
Sami hasn’t heard either, an we talk, and say that if you look at the politics and where this country is heading, seem unlikely that this would be the last time. Unfortunately.
So what are we. So desperate that there’s only desperate actions?
Believing something greater, a nation, a language, a though, a god?
There’s nothing greater or more holy as life, and everything is living, so everything is holy, and nothing is.
Because definitions work only if they… define. And everything doesn’t really define, and nothing doesn’t really define. So what am I to write these words.
Today I said a sentence that I hoped I would remember, but I don’t.
Something about reality.
there’s no other reality than yours, subjective reality, created by your perception.
If you refine your perception, you refine your reality.
If you alter your perception, you alter your reality.
Your perception will fail you, but who is telling you that its not real. Who is telling it failed?
It’s just that other people perceive something different, or they define their experience somehow differently.
Normal is what we think that majority perceives.
It doesn’t mean that they/we actually perceive it. (we just think we should)
It doesn’t mean that it’s anymore true.
Relative. totally.
So in what reality those 30 and more people are killed?
In my because I know about it. In my mothers because she knows about it.
And in so many others, because they know, and feel.
Energy doesn’t dissappear but the form does, and I know that the form is emptiness.
Were they empty? Am I empty?
Who and what justifies such a great waste.
Who are you to waste even a drop of water in here?
Who are you to waste even a drop of love in here?
Who are you to waste even…?
And we waste because we feel wasted.
Not in power.
Not able to effect, except by waste.
Not listened, not heard.
Me me me. I say this, I do this, I’m not waste, I’m not wasted,
and maybe your hear me when I waste all of this.
I was talking about ego with Sveta.
And understood how often we talk ego as the bad, the want, the desire, the attachment, the envy, the vanity.
And how often we, thus, separate the ego from our “true” self. But there is no truer self. Ego is part of it. Ego is me, but me is not only ego. Part of me. So do not separate.
I saw it as a process of excluding the evil, the qualities that we don’t like. Devil made me do it.
But it’s all me.
All of this is me.
Even this reality and perception, with the knowledge of 30 or more dead.
And only reason it touches me is that I have friends there, and I’m going there in two days.
Do I want to die? No
Do I want to live? Yes.
Why? Because life wants to live, it is the meaning of it.
Am I wasting my life?
Uh, now that is a hard one.
So what is a waste?
We think because we know, we will die.
And yet, who is it who dies.
Never born never dying never dead.
Yesterday was the last class of the workshop here.
I liked the workshop, but today I’m being critical.
I talked too much, and, I think people didn’t get the mainpoint yet.
Or maybe the embodiment takes time. I certainly hope so.
Got a mail from Petri where he’s talking about contact improvisation. And how it should not be “just” a dance form.
If you don’t define a words meaning, it won’t have it.
If red doesn’t mean red, it can mean red green yellow gold black purple, and all the colors, why would we say red. So I wonder why he wants to use word contact improvisation. What ever he’s looking for.
And I think of death and dying.
And how I don’t understand it.
Like I don’t understand of nothing, or infinity.
And yet, somehow I do.
God won’t let things happen, we do.
how can I ever communicate, anything to you.
And I know I can, sometimes.
Can you hear me? Can you see me?
I will try my best to see you, to hear you, to feel.
And when not being able to, being clear of not being able.
Nevertheless, Good night and good luck to you all.