Much of things

I’ve been feeling that I have a lot to do, (before I go) but I just can’t figure out what it is.
I’ve been trying, yeah trying to make the songs ready, but yet again I have failed.
I’ve been singing and playing guitar though, but when something is ready, uh.
I’ve been absent minded, feeling not able to concentrate much of anything.
I’ve been feeling that I’ve forgotten something important (like get new visa for russia to get to moscow festival, but yes I did remember, justa bit too late)
I’ve been consciously trying to avoid of being stressed and yes, I’m not stressed.
I’ve been consciously deciding not to worry. I can worry then when I’m there where I need to worry. Now I don’t need to worry because everything is ok.
I’ve been thinking and searching for the new bag/backbag and being totally lost with them, some of them being nice, but none of them being exactly what I need/want.
Realizing that one really annoying thing about travelling is that I’m too lazy to carry my guitar (and it’s electric anyway) with me all the time. I’ll miss playing and to get better at playing I need to play.
I’v been listening to a lot of music.

Ok so one evening not long ago I started play this riff and then I played it about hour or two. then I made “b” section… then I was so fond of it that I recorded it.
Then I did the drum track…
Then I did plimplom guitar (so typical of me) on top of the riff.
Then I tried to sing something on it.
Then I went to sleep.
In the morning I tried to sing again, got something.
Later on It presented itself as ready.
Got and idea using two vocals (like always) and needed to make lyrics.
Made the lyrics, sang it quite a few times.
Made bass.
Mixed it.
Well, I could say that it’s ready but my singing always has somepoint that hurts my ears.
I’ll put it here anyway, in the end of the post.

What else should write.
Well it’s somewhat funny that if you want a silk sleepingbag/liner, you can get those cocoons and whatnot from sportshops and they cost like 80€ OR THEN you can go to “LIKE” shop and get one that is made in vietnam by single mother who made a co-op (soundly sleeping dragon) and started to do things. (ah pages only in finnish… no idea) And the funny thing is that this one costs 35€. So if I have understood right this one is fairtrade and the women actually get real profit out of it, and still it’s only 35€. I can’t but wonder who and where are cocoons and whatnot made and who is making the profit from there.

FInding a good bag is a drag… and then even if you find suitabel, almost, it’s probably black, oh so boring.

I need to get sleepingbag as well, the silk one isn’t quite enough by it self.

Need need need.

long time ago I got quite a few albums from UTECH, and I still, probably haven’t gone through them all, but I listened to Knell “last ten meters” and it’s bloody brilliant. Also Suzuku Junzo’s “pieces for the hidden circles” is very nice. I’m sure there’s other nice stuff as well.

Got couple of things from Nadja, Nadja/Ovo split is not my piece of cake. But then UnderJaguarSun vinyl really is. I’m slightly annoyed with Beta-lactam ring rec, because they still didn’t sned me under jaguar sun cd. I don’t know they had some emergency on the family and that’s how it is with small labels, people are doing it for the love and there’s not many of them, so they just cannot hire more people to do the work, and when something comes up that takes their full attention the work maybe suffers. Nevertheless, I am annoyed specially since someone over there promised to send me the cd LONG time ago.

Oh, and I listened Final’s Afar pleasently surprised.

Soon I go to dancing..

OMuch Of Things

un (t)ravel

Back in Helsinki.

Before I went to Ryazan I got a message where she said that she doesn’t want to be with me anymore. Well at least it’s clear.

Went to ryazan, I didn’t know anyone from there, feeling slightly sad. And I wondered, I don’t want this. I don’t want to travel from people to people who I don’t know, by myself, alone. not having even a base of anykind. So how will I change this? I know not, yet.
And it’s not that I’m alone there. Alma offered me great dinner and super company, Masha and her family was super as well… it’s just this… well.. something stable. I though that it would be so nice to travel and teach with somebody, although probably in a few weeks we would (who ever it would be) get into each others nervers a lot. I know not.

At the same time, I feel that the teaching in ryazan didn’t go so well… But in Moscow and in St.Peter I enjoyed a lot. Of course I am not sure that the people in WS enjoyed but I think most of them did. And even in Ryazan I saw some people really learning.

On my first “free” day in moscow, I played some guitar and did drums with garage band. I hope I get something of them done in these two weeks. I wanted to make 8cm cd’s again, but since I know not much of people really listen to cd’s anymore I’m thinking of making somekind of download system…

On tuesday… I went to see photobiannale thanks to Alma’s suggestion. Well before I went there I sat on a bench for an hour listening through William Basinski‘s Vivian & Ondine and meditating with it. And my my my, Mister Basinski has again done something miraclous. Absolutely brilliant, brilliant and shining, and deep.

Anyway, after I went to see the photos, and I realised how some of the photographers have really travelled a lot in 40-60 when the travelling wasn’t as nearly as easy as now. And how much they’ve must taken pictures and how many of them have been mediocre or crap. Because even now, there was maybe 1 or 2 really really Great photos from each photographer and most of them were, just, good.

After Ryazan I travelled to moscow, where I met Leilani which was great. She’s super adorable and I’m sure they’re enjoying contact tango a lot in moscow. Then I continued to petroskoi, petrozavodsk, where I met Sami and then Alexander and Sasha and Anna in city’s media center where we performed with Sami and Alex and Sasha making music.
Performing is great. It’s super challenging, it’s difficult, but at the same time it’s great. And performance was pretty good I think. Quite open impro, some themes that we had talked about, that came out in the movement I feel. And of course some base in CI. Alex and Sasha were doing really nice structurized impro with music stuff they had. And the place was full. Of cours it wasn’t a big place, but in a place like Petrozavodsk, I was surprised to get so much audience (all the seat were taken ans some people standing) and people also liked it. Great. It was also really nice see and talk with Sami about art and life and whatnot.

On my ways I read Ursula Le guin’s Birthday of the World. I recommend to everyone. Almost all of those stories are super. If you’re not into scifi, don’t worry they’re really not scifi. She’s writing about humans, about us and what we are. The last story Paradises Lost is amazing… in short place such a meaningful questions. Throw away of garbage, what does it mean. Where is away? This is something that we don’t really get. I don’t get. We live in the world where is easier to “throw away” (almost) any broken machine and get a new one than to fix it. But what is away? Away from my sight is not away. all of that material, all of that plastic metals what not stay here, in form or another. There is NO away, everything I throw I throw here, on this earth, on me.
If you haven’t heard from Ursula Le Guin, or if you haven’t read any of her books, do yourself a favour and start reading one. I can give more exact recommendations if needed.

“Rose said quote it’s time to make a mess
time will be soon in time I guess
she’s painting on my back
a beautiful flower pot
and she treats me like her local god
rose said quote it’s time to make a mess
this one’s yours and yours is selfobsessed
She’s painting on my back a green tom, the beefheart one
And she cuddles and she coos and she cuts the bullshit I confessed
She said:”Don’t look my way
What can I possibly say
I’ve never seen you before today
I’m just the one that makes you think of the one
that makes you feel you’re the one”
But thank you for the roses, for the roses…”

Another recommendation.


I was doing a lab in St Peter about CI and violence.
Thank you all who were there and who organized.
Now I’ve been in moscow already for quite some days.

When do I feel agression or violent? When I’m not heard, when I’m not taken account, when I’m not appreciated.
I do exist. Hear me.
And when I’m not heard, I get frustrated and frustration brings violence.
Because I try to communicate, I try to communicate with you, why you don’t hear me? why you don’t see me? Why you see me only as something as you want to see but you don’t really see me?

Other reason of violence is to have power, maybe even more common one.
But over what? Why? And again it’s about me. I define myself of the one with capability to do this, so I must be worth of something because I have the power to do this. But doing all of this, does it make me feel good? Or I resort to violence because I don’t want to hear what you have to say what you want to communicate?
Is non-communication violence?

And I was thinking about how this connects with dance.
How do I react on a hit. Will I shut and close down or will I stay open ready to react some other way.
And it might give me a hint how do I react in life. Will I shut down or will I try to find another solution. And when I meet violence that is not towards me, will I shut down, close down and protect my life. But why my life would be any different from any other life? So why then should I shut down? Can I stay open, ready to communicate even if the next step in communication would be a kick to my center?

I don’t know. I lost with all of this because I don’t have to meet it in real life.
I go down to the metro, I see the people, I know that just week ago here was two explosions and still we are here, because we don’t really have any good options. We can’t shut down our lives, and even if we could we don’t want to. So we go down to the metro. And we don’t really know what and who is behind these bombs, I don’t know what are the political/ideological connection and reason and who really is behind of them. And neither does my local friend. Violence breeds fear, fear breeds violence and closeness. And people will resort to anyone who says s/he will save them. Down to the metro we go.
After all, personally i feel that I have as much chances to get run over by a car over here.

So the workshop is over, here in moscow. I hope people learned something and I saw some of them learning. I’ll stay here two more days doing… nothing much. Let’s see.
Then off to teach more.

I’ve noticed that I like teaching. I like talking, I like words and I like dance, and I like when I see that people think, and that thinking is not happening in soem mystical “mind” but it’s happening in them, whole of them. I’m not even half of the time sure that I’m good at teaching, but nevertheless, I like it.

Good night and good luck to you all.