What I’ve been thinking.

Here was a fire, a few weeks ago. They said that beekeeper started it, but a many people over here don’t believe it’s true. Here is people who want to build up this island… but where is forest you can’t. When there’s no forest you can. And true. If I think how fast it was all over. I think even if one fire started from the poor beekeeper it was not the only one. Some one else started fires as well. Maybe.

Driving over the north. If they cut the trees they’re fucked. The earth here is sand, no clear rock. even the rock shatteres. When you have no roots to hold the earth together.. it will go with the water.
Such a clear sensation, at some time this will not be. There will be time when this is not.

If you ever walk on hills where there’s no trails. or for some reasn you walk where there’s no trails. you will always find that the easiest way to get up (or down) is where the water run. Waterways. since we are water and animals too. we run the same trails. up down. And when we make a trail… when the rain comes it will follow our trail. we are the same. water and me. water and us.

My mother the earth, My father the ocean.

I was writing to a friend… maybe I copy.. to save me the trouble. But no. I will not copy.
But something about the story of Ursula K. Le Guin about a tree. that is not so good. And me reading Dogen how mountains walk. Then running in a landscape ad understanding that it’s not me running through the landscape, landscape is running through me.

Another thing. I think I though this before. But do not remember did I try to write it.
In the beginning was a word.
You see in a way that is creation. Everytime I identify a pillow as a pillow I create the pillow. everytime I understand tree as a tree I create a tree. We are creating this world around us all the time. And yet. It’s there all the time anyway. But It’s true. It’s all chaos, beautiful chaos horrible chaos. but if we let it be chaos it’s not beatiful or horrible or chaos, it is. And when I stop creating, maybe I stop. and it’s so hard. Remember how you felt as a baby.
Now, j’st if you know how babies feel. I create my feelings by naming them and yet.
I create me by naming me.
So truly if creation (of order) is a god, god is a word.

But I think god is. no words.
think god is. words.
god is. no

Longing ot be understood. So I become’s being. I am separate so I need to communicate. If I exists not, as a separate entity. who is that needing to communicate with whom?
As long as I’m writing these words or saying I exist.
What if the point of art is not to communicate but go to the place beyond communication.
what is not possible to communicate.
Then us, sitting in the audience, with question or wish: ofer me something, give something to chew on, entertain me. Lost. If there was nothing to be entertained, nothing to be communicated. If I could, If we could just be, there. present.
And you know when it happens.
Condensed. Time space reality.

It’s so nice how I (or we) conceptualise things. that there is time and there is space and those two are separate.
At this form, now. time and space are one. And yet quantumphysics tell us that one thing is in two places at same time. so time ties them together. When something happens over here it also happens over there. because if it doesn’t, they’re two separate things. Is this right? I think quantum physics have gone over the world of words.

There was a story on coming community… that is from kabbalah I think. about four rabbis going to the world of words… or maybe I don’t remember right. I need to read it again. I love that book.

Pure water.
We will miss it.

Wrong tracks..

No, I tell a lie.

There is no wrong or right anyway.
Except that there is and we know it.

Sometimes I think of vikings. I heard that they had a… err… habit.. custom that sometimes when they plunged the village they killed the babies so that they put spears on a ground, edges pointing up. and then they threw a baby up in the air… and apparently babies usually laugh when flying and then they came down…

And what was the idea behind this. It seems cruel… but cruelty is totally tied with the view of the world… They died laughing… and somehow if I think of my late grandmother and her last 3-5 years, they were rather cruel as well… in a … I don’t even know the english word. something between old people’s home and hospital…

So right wrong is tied with learned attitudes and behaviours..
What would be wrong..
Why does something feel more right, some more wrong?


I think about holistic personal training… but I know that I lack something in every section. but maybe it’s the combination, I can’t be perfect with everything
What is perfect anyway?

When talking with non-defined words you can always deny everything, how handy is that.

Today I was learning a bit of thai massage, I think I could do massages easily. I just need a bit more trust in myself.
Steffi was telling me to love myself and of course she’s completely right.
It’s just hard that… funny enough… when not even knowing what am I

I know that everything is perfect.
I just don’t always feel it.
Where is my place in this?