Something to know


I’m having a bad working posture again.. well writing.
Howabout a home? yes yes dear, in a moment.

After working in a rather interesting place with autistic who are also mentally handicapped I have become (at least for the moment) a supporter of prenatal screening and euthanasia.
At times I though that we are living in such an abundance since we can keep them alive.
In any other time they would be dead by now. And sometimes I felt that the life is just looking for a way to flee from them. So why do we keep someone alive who does want to eat. Why would we force feed anyone?
It was the same with my grandmother, befoer the dementia really got her there was a time she ate very little. I think she didn’t even notice it, I don’t think it was a concious choice of a person but the life in her was trying to pass on, but of coursem us relatives could just let her starve…
We are so afraid of death that we don’t let anyone to die, not even persons who want it. Of course with the clients on my workpalce it’s not so easy, because the limitations of communication I often don’t have any idea what they wanted. So I’m not saying we should kill them, but I think as a society we are going wrong somewhere. Everybody needs to stay alive, but it’s ok if they live on the gutter. adn no, I’m not saying that you should rather be dead than live on the gutter, but this society let’s people to live in gutter but it doesn’t let people to die as he or she wish… you can be in any kind of trouble, you can beg for help, and no instance will come to help until you hurt either yourself or someone else.

In Finland he goverment made a threat to take down the support for home parenting for one year, so instead of three it would be only two. I detest the whole idea. I have read quite a few “letter to editor” usually against the cut, but what surprises me is that I haven’t read a single letter from kindergarden teachers?
What the hell. the kindergardens I’ve been working have been almost always too small, too little workers etc. How the hell they are going to survive if there will be much much bigger age group of 2 years old coming in? I tell you, they won’t. Anywa all the kindergarden workers should go to strike. In south of finland you don’t live with the pay.

Soon I’m leaving to Brighton to teach and then to freiburg.
And although I really like teaching I think this is my last “tour” since I’m not really making the money… and teaching is nice, but I need to live somehow too.
And I just read the advertisement of ibiza fest and IF I understood right my friend Katja is teaching intensiv with Asaf. which is ncice, except I’m bummed because originally after sos they asked Noora, Panu and me since we teached intensive trio in SOS, but Noora and Panu can’t make it. and I suggested to do it with Katja. but I didn’t get any answer… but then. maybe Asaf and Katja have worked together somehow and they have suggested it before… Or maybe I read the whole thing wrong.
But again made me wonder, or feel that I’m, well actually my teaching is not so appreciated. But why I’m making them webpages for the entrance fee to the fest?
And then I’m invited to Altay so maybe I shouldn’t complain.

I wrote this before to somewhere. I dont remember what I wrote. something like. Life does not have identity, life is not afraid of death… ah it’s FB
“To not to be afraid of death
To not to cling on this identity
Life is never ending, to life there is no death.
Death exists to identity.
Who is keeping me alive?”
I’m keeping myself alive because I’m afraid of death.
I’m a dream, dream is keeping it self alive.

I wanted a statue of meditating dream of the endless from my love.
And then I wanted statue of meditating death of the endless from my love.
I wanted them because I love the books, but then yesterday explaining them to her I realised why I wanted them.
I am a dream meditating. Death is buddha meditating. And I am both meditating. Death of identity is…
And there is no way, no way I can ecape the identity. Because to escape it is to die.

Been thinking about morals and ethics again.
I remember “do not judge so you would not be judged”
I think many good christians have totally forgot this one.
our christianity is not based on christ and what he said but to paul ramblings, the guy who never saw jesus when he was alive so he needed to tell about the vision so he could make his right and wrongs.
When you make you right and wrongs, like I do, keep them. But do not defend your morals by god. You are a god’s picture. You do NOT need to read a book or take it from anyone else. You see, this is what is said that gautama said “be your own guiding lights” In christianity there is no trust on man, and thus no real trust on self and thus no real trust on god. Well.. I’m too one sided now. Many of my christian friends do but the weight on mercy and yes. Mercy we truly have. If you can read this, it’s mercy, not because of you reading but because you can see. such a gift that if there would be someone to pay back it could not be done you. It’s mercy, all of this, even the suffering.