Time cause missing, I cause time

In finland.
Not feeling like writing much.
I miss Sveta.

Lots of feelings going on, about being 35, about not having home, about not knowing what will happen. We never know.
I know what I want.

PLayed some guitar for a change.
Nothing special, but since the main thing is doing.
Maybe you’ll enjoy.


Last days


Been on the intensive of Zahar…
After that…
well I’m thinking of quitting again.. but I’ve been thinking of quitting a lot last years and I haven’t… maybe I need to go towards other direction which is to do more.

Anyway… one thing that I actually said a loud on the course was that the relation to the past is always easier than the relation to the present. Why is this. Because past is always rendered into (almost) one single thing, action, mood sitation… somehow our (or at least mine) mental process makes it, in a way, flat. It’s still rich but compared to all of the things that are happenign right now, the past is just one thing that happened. and I can somehow make or feel the meaning of it, where as often the present is so full of things that have different meanings that I can’t render it into meaning… Somewhat interesting. To me.

I was checking open jobs from finland… doesn’t look so nice but now I made one application that I really hope will couse some repercussions…

All and all.. not much new and still lot of new…

Anyone over there who would like to practise improvisation as a performance form with me?

I need to practise more. And move.
And find a place to live.


In a way

Otra Vez yo tengo no idea que habla…
Oh my spanish..

So no idea.
CIP is over, Flow is beginning.
Relationships are funny and somewhat hard if either one is not comitted to it.
What is to commit.
Relating got some behavious from totally unrelated person which is really annoying.
In a long time I haven’t felt that there would have been someone who intentionally wants to harm my well being, but now yes… Oh well…
Why to care?

So roasting coffee didn’t work.
Now I return to finland it seems.
Then there is mind the point in Paris, which I hope and feel will be really good.
And after that I was invited to Italy, but money is uncertain which makes me uncertain.
But I have feeling to go to italy.
Then there is few weeks before Israel and then it’s bloody xmas… so… stable…
But after, I’ll stay foot. one place or at elast a way to pay the base.
playing more guitar and trying to make music… that’s my plan. but then the work and money, oh well.

And relationship. no, I don’t want to commnet that now.

Dancing has been great, very different.
Intensive of Daniel Lepkoff was quite nice, had some ideas by misundestanding his words. More and more thinking performing, making piece by piece but how I make the living?

By writing by talking by teaching?

loops of feedback feedback looping…

reading books, will tell later… now I think it’s time for us to go… been sitting for too long. and others of the aprty are getting anxious.

Take care, offer me a job…
I can do everything, and somethings with quality, but it seems I’m not able to create my own work…
I need collaborations.