On perfroming (badly)


Indecisive decision making

Performance. everything is always performance, everything.
Me eating my bread alone in my room is performing. You see how you perform yourself in order to be yourself?
I perform being good, I perform being bad. So what am I, a continuous performance not ending untill the death takes me or I return?
I performed well, heartrate monitors, timelaps, things to be carried. To play a role when there’s no roles…. wait.. how can there….
So who is there performing? There’s nothing there except the performance and that’s why it’s so difficult to stop because nothing is a scary thing, but it’s scary only for the performance, it is not scary to nothing itself since it is not it. Thus performance keeps on going in order to go and when it stops it is not there and nothing else is there either. So it doesn’t really matter is the performance good or bad, well… it’s an secondary idea because what is important is that it keeps going. Secondary is it a good performance or bad performance. In order to be a good performances there needs to be bad performances. But this performance wants, secondary be a good performance, primaly it wants to keep on going because somehow performance has a sense of living eventhough it is not life itself. Life will go on with out the performance, but performance has difficulties to believe or understand that. Let’s go to the secondary. A good versus bad performance. This performance is this performance and thus this performance makes separate performance in the world, performance ”around” in and in the performances in it. The Grand performance is always just a performance, but the performances can be qualified within it and what is making the qualification, a performance that is comparing other performances to another not seeing that all and all it is just a one big performance. When will this big performance realise itself? or when will the performance truly end all together? If performance is NOT life, can we have life without performance where life is just life. No things all things and life isn’t even life, life is death and death is life and this is it and that’s it.

Free Written on ”body mind precence” workshop as a task to write about performance
Bold parts chosen later on scanning through text and picking “main points”

This text above is also to be found somewhere else.
I felt I catched something but I don’t really get it.
You know, because there is no one to get it.
It’s all crazy around here…