Passing your…


What is happening?
I want a wife and family, tricky to find though.
Oh, and a nice job since at somepoint I do need things to do, except when the children are small.

So did my class on Cunningham. Was lost, and finally by copying what was done in DVD found a physical senstaion that was the base of the class.
Class didn’t really go so well.. but it was interesting nevertheless. I’m out of counting beats.
So afterwards, because we had the wilde woche in monsounturm, teaching professional classes. But my class wasn’t professional, I didn’t teach. The funny thing is that I understood it really well, but still there was this moment that it doesn’t feel good. I wrote about it a lot…

I am an image. How I see myself is an image. How others see me is an image. Image(s) are created by actions but also how those actions is perceived/valued. Since my value system is different than (possible) surrounding group, the image I have of myself is different than image other people have. Thus there is a conflict because of course I want to be appreciated and accepted. In order to “improve” my image on the eyes of others I need to act through their values, which will render the image of myself to something that I don’t appreciate. Thus there’s a conflict. And there’s no escape.
So the only way to work on this conflict is let it last and just follow what I want to do, what is my interest. If teaching dance, professionally or not, is something that I “can’t” do, because the definition of professionalism differs from my own, why am I in this school? Well, I’m here to study, not for the job, not for the society but for myself. I’m only here for myself with the hope I find people who I can share all of this with. I have good people around (I like to group and most of the teachers), I have really good library with plenty of books and it seems that I have the time, so I should take most out of it. For myself.

So now, I have loads of books that I don’t get really to read, because let’s face it, reading takes time. But no worries I can borrow them again. Read Guy Debords “Society of the Spectacle”, reading Agambe’s “state of exception” and yeah, I have a huge bunch of books home. right now I’m downloading the movie Society of the spectacle by Guy Debord. And today I want to go to lecture on Hannah Arendt’s theory of judgement. Great, I just need a bunch of more energy to read and think and people to talk and oh, yeah, someone to share my life with.

It’s… I don’t know what, but on past days I searched of Hannah Arendt, and then I come to Eichmann and then these EU elections and all of the right wing movements “winning”. We don’t really learn a lot from history. At the same time, I understand it. The current capitalist politics is driving people into the point that they want change, unfortenutaly they’re blaming the wrong people. It’s not the immigrants, it’s the whole system of corporations and politics clustered together making decision not based on people’s well being but based on “economy” and consuming. What we need is food and shelter and nice thigns to do, not things, as objects but things to do, as actions. It all is so very simple that we just can’t help but to fuck it up. Amazing.

About objects: I want to get some books for my own. I’m addicted to bags, but I don’t need any. And I would like to get all of the Daniel Menche’s plus the whole missing catalog of Raster-Noton, and bunch of other music. But this is all old news.

In my head there’s 97% certainty, but the 3% is giving me trouble, so I need to solve that 3%. maybe in coming days.

Communication is a funnny thing. Because we all are relations, we are “communication” at the same time we are a complex network of relations so there’s really nothing to communicate.
Old news.

“I wake up today
and take the truth by the hand
Truth is an alien”

Tale to tell?

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