Test test test

I’m trying to back my wordpress plus other shite… testing

Trying to upgrade too but no can do… grr


Throw your oars overboard


Such a great advise, I seem to do that often and just drift, without making decision, without courage to do the decisions, and at the same time without courage to drift.

I was asked am I afraid, scared. And I am, now I only need to find out what it actually is that I’m afraid of?

At least I know I’m afraid of failure so often, that I just underachieve. I try to get rid of that, but it’s very very hard.
I’m afraid that I’m not good at anything, which is a useless fear since I know I’m not really good at anything. Insteead I’m mediocre in many things. And because my fear of failure, I’ll never be truly good at anything. Unless somethings really change.
I’m afraid to be, or to become, lonely, alone, which again is useless since I know that I, as we all are, am alone. Now this of course could get us into discussion about the meaning of the word alone, but let’s now go in there right now. If you meet me, we can discuss about it.

There’s some, now you can tell me yours.

Ulver has “new” pages, and new album coming on 1st of October, aren’t we happy?

And from avantgarde-metal.com you can find the interview of Vicotnik, the man behind DHG, specially since all the old members have left and replaced by this long time of silence. From the interview you can get quite clear picture that “Supervillain Outcast” is album mainly by Vicotnik, this isn’t meant to put down the achievements of old and new crew though. Whatever.

We had a classmeeting yesterday and it 1. made me feel old 2…… I don’t know. The things is, that almost everyone have a marriage, kids and homeloan. And because not having these I… do not feel failure but something… I’m not so into marriage, and specially not into loans, but the kids part is mainly what I wonder. I’m old already. Ten years ago I hope to have kids before these ten years. And right now I’m in a situation that it feels hard even to think about having kids for a couple of years. Old we get, tired we grow.
But it was nice to meet people, and I specially enjoyed the light talk about religion in a train on our way home.

To those of you who don’t know where the topic of this post is taken. Listen to Logh‘s album the Raging Sun and song the contractor and the assassin, one of the best songs ever made.

I hate myspace.

Good night and good luck to you all.



I’ve set everything so that darlingdear.net’s webhotel provider should change. I’m just waiting when it will happen. It should be soon. I thought today, but nothing. The trouble is not the pages, but e-mail addresses. Unfortenutaly. I wish they would set it up, so I can quickly retrieve my e-mail addresses. If not tomorrow then on monday, I hope.

Lot’s of new music.
If you check my last.fm page you’ll might notice that last week I’ve listened 99 songs from Aerial. Well there’s only 13 songs so obviously I’ve been listening them through quite some times. Why? They’re Great. I actually like their first cd better. “black rain from the bombing” is lovely mix of Sonic Youth and something I can’t quite put my finger on. The Sonic youth is there. There’s also this beautiful joyous melancholy that I find in Swervedriver and Logh and some others. I just love those two guitars intertwining. I mean this is the best thing I’ve heard since… Once We Were? Monopot? Scraps of Tape. No, this beats SoT, sorry. Their second album “the sentinel” is more um “post-rock” there’s not so much sonic youth anymore, but it’s great also. And you know what. Both albums cost just 8€ so 16€ together which is NOTHING for this amount of blissfull beauty. Check their label no method and order the cd’s. NOTE. Even though I do mention Sonic Youth here many times. It’s not really Sonic Youth. Sonic Youth has such a lot of variety in them. And Aerial sounds Aerial, you can detect the influences, sure, but still. What they have in common is that both make stunningly beautiful rock/pop songs. Really really really, do yourself a favour and order these.

More music.
I received a packet from paradigms recordings, all the cd’s I ordered. I haven’t listened them all through, but Snowdrift is as good as the sample made me expect. I do like that womans voice. Woburn House Is interesting. Although I think that you could have done those songs to be 5 minutes long, but hey, if you can keep it up for 14 minutes, why not. Some very nice riffs in there, not bad at all. Today I listened Hjarnidaudi’s pain:noise:march through a couple of times and I truly truly love it. Simple, repeating, distorted, lovely.
The Angelic Process and Blueprint Human Being are waiting their turn.

Yesterday I finally got Belong’s October Language. I’m pretty sure that within two weeks some label will release it on vinyl, since I bought the cd just now. Belong is good, no, better than good.

I got Shortwave music from mister Basinski. Now, I wasn’t that fond of the previous release “variations for piano and tape” It’s ok, sure, but it didn’t really catch me like most of his works have done. Shortwave music catchs. Really nice work. And he has a new cd coming soon. Thanks to paypal I’ll order them straight from him.

Listened through Deaf Center’s and Ryan Teague. Like both, I’m thinking of ordering. Also I found more releases from Encre, apparently those are mainly released in france, but it’s quite cheap to order them so I think I will. Eventhough I heard french rap in couple of the samples.

So basically everythings the same as always. I’m getting more music and I can’t really afford it all. Yeah and I have no job. Please give me nice work with a nice paycheck.

Of course I could write more serious matters, but I don’t really want to. And believe me, I feel that most important things that I have to share, and things that are really meaningfull to me are related to music. And right now the biggest thing I can “give” out is that suggestion to hear Aerial.

Good night and good luck to you all.

Hope Floats…

somewhere i work

So what do I do with this free time?. Not much to be honest. I have great problems to get all the necessary paperwork to post early enough. I have great difficulties to listen through all the cd’s I’ve borrowed from the library. But today I have done the dishes and washed two machines worth of clothes. Well, soon, the other is still rolling. Yesterday I played a lot of wipe out with psp. Yes, Marko lended it to me, I still don’t have my own, and when I see how it takes up my time, maybe I won’t get one.

Did I tell you this? I’m not sure. I have had problems with the internet connection. It should be on all the time, but for a couple of months it kept crashing down. Finally they said, that it could be my adsl box, I took it to shop to test it, but the guy there said it’s so old I have to get a new one anyway, and gave me one. Well, then I had the bill for internet for the whole 3 months time and the opening. It took me 3 days to call there, being ready to argue that I will only pay for one month, the time adsl has actually been working, and the opening. And before I even started to argue the woman there said that they have already reduced it to one month and opening. So I didn’t have to argue, Jeij.

I’ve been very into consumering lately, eventhough I don’t have money, but since I know I will have money I’m spending them in my mind already. Like for an iPod (yeah yeah apple sucks also, but probably the only machine that supports AAC, my whole library is in AAC, almost). I already made an playlist for 8G to see what can I fit in there. But propably they will have a new model out in march or something so I should wait.

Lately I’ve been listening a lot of Audrey. I think I’ll give you another sample from it, although you go to their webpage, where you will find the two first songs from the album and let me tell you the first song, “mecklenburg” is absolutely gorgeus. Specially around the lines …i hear mumbling but I’m deaf and dumb so I bite my tongue….. Grrreat! So go there to hear the first song and here you can hear the last “Traverse”, which is a great way to finish an brilliant album.

I also been listening to Gregor Samsa, which is good, but not quite as catchy as Audrey. It’s funny when listening on a journey to somewhere, both albums, Gregor and Audrey seem to be really short eventhough Audrey is about 40 minutes and Gregor Samsa over 50 minutes. Still they seem short.

Today I [finally] listened through the Hilliard Ensembles intrepetations of Carlo Gesualdo’s religious(?) compositions, an double album called Tenebrae. It’s oh so shooting, but doesn’t yet really stick to my mind. Quite, quite beautiful all the same. But I switched to Philip Glass right now, much more catchy.

As some of you [who?] might have read from thedarlingdear.net I’m trying to redesign it. At the same time I’ll change waveway.org to serve only a place for videos, and this blog. I also have seriously thought about continuing the other one, I should write about dance and “work” related stuff more in my own native tongue, in Finnish, that is. I should. Maybe I will. At least I’m very hopeful. Christmas is here soon, it doesn’t really feel like it. But how should it feel then? I do not know. How did it feel last year? not much, I was in Israel. Why I’m not there now? well, maybe next year.


lift up thy head!

I continued writing yesterday evening till four. Today I wrote a couple of hours. My final works text part starts to be ready, Jeij. I still have to make summary out of it, in english and finnish. I actually think that it’s the hardest part. To summarize 33 pages in one. Good luck.

Listening Peter Jones, works surprisingly well. Waiting for Jesu’s Silver and Basinski’s the Garden of Brokenness.

Trying to figure out where and how and when I’ll move. I should be in norway on 1st of june, so before that. It’s not that easy. I have way too much stuff and stuff and stuff. I guess I should simplify my ownings to only music and art related stuuf, and maybe some clothes would be nice.

Left middle finger still swollen, now even more than before. It clearly hasn’t like me writing for hours.

So my days are clear. After I get final done, I’ll start packing, and throwing things away I guess.

Added three performances of “huomenna,” to video.waveway.org. Incase you missed the performances. Thanks to all who filmed. Because the lack of space I deleted mercy is never fair draft 1.5 and the first performance of “things we lost in the fire” I’m still hoping I could get Mercy’s draft 3’s edited and added before the end of may. How likely that seems?

Yesterday (was it) visited Neurot records and listened a punch of samples. Battle of mice really struck me. I might have to hear them more, kinda weird stuff.But there’s also other stuff worth a while. Check it out.

And noticed that raster-noton has released an MCD from alva noto + ryuichi sakamoto called revep. I still haven’t got even the new Ryoji Ikeda. Bummer. I really really need a job don’t I?

Visited also southern lord and listened one song out of Boris’ Pink. And my my that sounds good again. But now I know the risk, it can be like akuma no uta, that only the one sample song is really good and the rest of the album is quite crappy. maybe when I have a job I can take more risks.

What seems to be clear though is that where ever I’m moving I want my net to be connected. Thanks.

Sadly it seems.

We lie and stare at the ceiling

earth reserved

Hey hey hey. After yesterdays post about Swervedriver, I decided to check what’s going on with Jon Auer, and found out that he is finally releasing full lenght through pattern25. You can find a sample from their page or click straigh here. With a first hearing song is simple and a bit melancholic, not bad at all. Looking forward to hear more.

So it seems that again there’s coming a lot of new stuff that I would like to have. Auer, Jesu,

Came across hedonistica (yes I really have no life). Many of the videos are looking too bad. But this is actually funny, althoug I’m thinking can it really be real. And this has some cool stuff, and this one is really nice. Scary. This is cool, I wonder who designs all those tracks. I hate wmv files though. Everytime I’ve used PC all the quicktime files have no problem but for some (obvious) reason microsoft just won’t make good wmv player for macs. Wov. Ok this hurts. It’s all fun and games until…
And also vie hedonistica, croc Vs. tiger. Nothing is safe from a tiger and nothing should be.

Tyger Tyger burning bright,
In the forests of the night;
What immortal hand or eye,
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?
—–William Blake

and let’s not forget the frogs

Oh dear.

Swervedriver – Raise
Swervedriver – Ejector seat reservation
King Crimson – Larks’ Tongues in aspic
Evil Superstars – Boogie Children-R-Us
Evil Superstars – Love is Ok



I know I’ve been mentioning this a lot before but archive.org is really something. Specially those bands who allow taping. I think I have all the Mogwai shows from there, and right now I’m into more “postrock” like Mono and Explosions in the sky. And I just notice that you can also find Elliott Smith from there. And of course DCFC is old news.

Answer to yesterday’s Chai topic.

Watching Harry Potter and the chamber of secrets. what a fun.

Two run throughs today. 28 minutes and 25 minutes. It’s getting ready. Also the clothes are getting ready, which is nice. One and a half week to go. Lala.

I feel my soul go cold…

only the dead are smiling
Today I, among others, heard this amazing story of old hallways underneath even the mine safts of outokumpu. There was some ancient breed that used to freeze human souls to have tools to sculpture the hardest stone on earth.
The story took about two hours and was really amazing achievement of improvised story telling. I still have the mental image of lighting a lamb.

Changed my last.fm chart to be top five overall artist and it’s underneath there on a footer of the page. Let’s see.
What an important piece of information.

Oku jams are not looking so well. Right now we have ten people coming (including us) and there should be at least 20.
I think I’ll have to write another mail.

I’m clearly missing something. Is it a person or is it those things that I connect to this person? What I am actually missing? Touch, that’s for sure.

For the whole of this week I’ve been dining alone. Some days it has been my choice, some days not. Do I have anything to say to anyone? Does anyone has anything say to me? It’s nice to eat alone, but sometimes it’s nice to have company. I’m starting to miss the company for a change.

After playing Knut in Lataamo yesterday I’ve been listening it today, a bit. I think I have to check their earlier albums. Terraformer is really rocking.

And if you manage to look at the list on a footer, I’ll let you know that most of that Cat Power is really just that one song, He war.

Good night, it’s late, yet again.

Oh well

Give me a

For some reason, that I do not have any idea, wordpress 2.0 doesn’t show editing buttons on safari. I’ll write with camino instead… wait.. that’s what I’ve done anyway.

Interesting isn’t it.

Visited Imhotep, read two interviews of Arcturus and started listen to sideshow symphonies. Not bad, not at all. It’s funny how opinions change, and taste and bad and good. I mean “La Masquerade Infernale” was such a great album when it came out. And it still is, but now I notice that it isn’t flawless. Well of course nothing is flawless. But also I think it’s just that now I hear “flaws” in places where I earlier didn’t notice them. So it’s not that the album get’s bad… my hearing just changes, and taste of course. I wonder when all that 80 stuff that sound terrible to me starts to sound good since I hear it so much (if the 80 is really coming back). When I’ll think that big pilot sunglasses actually do look good. We are so easily manipulated, what is really good looking, what is stylish, what sounds good? And still I have the nerves to claim that I’m not affected by… I don’t know, opinions, fashion, magazines, media. That I can make my own ideals.
Oh well… I mainly make my own ideals, but I am affected, nevertheless.

Anyway back to the topic of arcturus. I really always was such a fan of Garms vocals on “La Masquerade Infernale”, but now they don’t sound so good anymore. Then again the vocals on “Blood Inside” are very very good. So maybe now I know that he could make better. We all evolve, I hope.
Well sometime years back I though that AW Yrjänä sings well. He doesn’t but it works anyway. So who cares.

I listened Isis‘ Oceanic today. It’s not really that good. It’s ok, I don’t regret of buying it, but it isn’t really brilliant. Maybe panopticon is better. I notice that even though Cult of Luna didn’t invent the style, at this point I feel that they have reached the pure core of that style. Salvation is just incredible album. And I’m not only one thinking this.
Maybe panopticon is better.

New Opeth (well it isn’t really new anymore is it?) sounds good, although I’m not too fond of all the 70-keyboard sounds.
Opeth is remarkable band, since they have so distingtive sound. I think that if some one would play one song to me, out any of their albums, i probably couldn’t say which album and which song but it wouldn’t really matter because all of them are so brilliant and I would definetly know it’s Opeth. Some people balme bands making same album over and over again. In a way I think Opeth is doing it, but as long as the albums stay being brilliant, who cares. So I won’t blame them. More good music yes.

Something else I’ve been listening today is Steve Reich of course. Such a lovely work. Please do listen.

Well I’m definetly back in Finland, avocados don’t taste the same, do they. And I bought food with 30€ but I feel I didn’t even get anything. Ok, there was cheese and olive oil, but still. A couple of clementines, 30€. Oh well.

I’ve sat in front of the iMac almost the whole day, again, but now I’m almost satisfied with audio.waveway.org. Almost but not quite. It’s far more better than it was. And darlingdear.net s linked with it and otherway around which is good.

Maybe this night I have energy to see/hear supersilent 7
Maybe not, Oh well…

Should sleep yes


Updated to wordpress 2.0

I think this works.


So now

I got Sufjan Stevens “greatings from Michigan…” as a xmas present. Today is the first day I actually listen to it. Sounds really good to me, no wonder critics have likes it. Now I think I have to check out also the first one, Illinois?

School started with the same as always. It’s so easy come back to old routines.
I should write a lot of tasks, 4 of them are late already. But I just can’t get myself to it.

Found out that I can’t get out of darlingdear.net webspace provider, or I can but the money I’ve paid would stay with them. Which is nice. Anyway too addresses are bit difficult anyway. I’ve been thinking how to divide things. and now it seems that darlingdear will stay quite a lot as it is, and as a main page. Only somethings will be linked to waveway, like videos, and sounds also, and this diary thingy. And then there’s links to there too, of course. I decided that waveway index will not hold any other content except the links forward. Next thing I want to to is to make fix music section in waveway. Still all the news and stuff like that will stay on darlingdear.net, only audio and info about the audio is in waveway. that way I can also release more space in dd server. really interesting? hah.

To more important issues. We are having elections of the new president in anyday now. Yesterday at the Helsinki railway station this young man came to ask money for food. I said that he should get money from unemployment office of socialcare. Man called me “porvari” and said that I’ll probably vote for Niinistö who is our mild right wing volunteer for president. Well no, I won’t, but I realised that probably that boy over there is doing good work for Niinistö anyway. I mean, this young man had a new coat, clean clothes, everything alright. And we’re in Finland for god sakes, eventhough right wing is driving social care down as fast as they can, we still have one. That why I’m willing to pay my taxes and I’m against lowering taxes, because to keep up social- and healtcare we need taxes. So when I see this kind of guys, (who has every possibility to get a job, and if not, he has money from the social care) asking money from me on the streets I start to think: why the hell I’m paying those taxes for? I pay them so most of the people could have a decent living and they wouldn’t come bother me with they problems. Specially when this guy doesn’t have a problem, maybe a lack of work morals/ethics. He’s a bum. He’s doing work for Niinistö. Disgusting.
Got me a bit angry. fukhamutha.

More joyful notes. Post office of Oku kept their promise, I got a packet from US on 16.12.2005 and isntead of sending it back after two weeks they kept it, and today I got it. It came from Devil in the Woods and it contained two albums “Milk the Thrills” from Frank Jordan and “louder than you can hear” from Tracy Shedd. Haven’t really listened either one of them. Well Frank Jordan just a bit, but I will, after Sufjan.

today I’ve been mostly hearing
Sufjan Stevens – greeting from michigan
Opeth – Ghost reveries
Arcturus – Sideshow symphonies
Knut – Terraformer
today I’ve been mostly reading
Terry Pratchett – Hogfather

video forms

As you might notice video section has a new look. I decided to go back to play with picture’s cause it’s so much more easier.

Now I can stand the lay out and the idea is clear. There’s few fixes to be made sure, but not that much. Maybe later.

New opeth is as good as expected, what else.

tired days.

other site

Darling Dear
Just to let you know if you aren’t aware already.