Slowly crawling


So where we are now?
Where am I?

Same same, all different.

Getting annoyed by the same things as always.
Thinking about the same things as always.

Things don’t really change do they.

All depends on the scale you look at things.
Or is there someone looking.

how much of our coming extinction is related to “surplus” that humans are almost the only animals that actually gather extra, thanks to a concept of ownership.
That thee can be a person, or an instance owned by persons (like company/bank) that then owns houses, plantations, animals, forest, land. Food and shelter.

Aren’t we facing the current catastrophe mainly because of surplus because of extra, because of manufacturing and wanting all the time more things to own. (I’ve been browsing webshops the past 4 days constantly, of nothing that I really need). Surplus of a state or of a person. extra. How many other animals kill of hoard things for just incase… I know some animals do taht as well, but how many of them to the extent as we?

And we, as humans, at least some of us, new that it would be coming, andd even now, when everything is so clear, there is people in places of power saying that global warming is nothing real or nothing to worry about.
Funny animals we are, but then again, we are, most of us, if any of us living in democracy.

Catalonias referendum was illegal says EU and that is why the actions of police, beating old people, beating people just being, is justified? Please, Law is always a question of agreement. it is clear that “spain” and “catalonia” haven’t agreed for a while.. so what is law then?
How is it that in “democracy” it is so illegal to cast a vote, inthe election/referendum that is illegal (=with no legal binding=no effect) that it justifies hitting people. when cars can be stolen, taxes can be avoided, people can be robbed of their houses, police never resorting to violence. And how is it possible that EU and the representatives are not able to say simply this.
How about if “spanish” government would have played it another way. Saying, ok, have your referendum. Urging everyone to go and cast a vote. to make sure with international observers that the referendum is following all the rules. And then when the referendum is clear, let’s see what this really means, withing taxes within, market within everything… Thinking of how many procentage of people actually vote… I don’t think that the vote would say yes for independence. Where as after this… I wouldn’t be sure anymore.
Personally I think that the referendum is not binding, only because there is too small procentage of population that actually voted.
But now, all have excalated and we never know. What is clear though is that EU representatives are cowards. and the spanish prime minister and the government are fuck up’s. But then again, most of the governments are complete fuckup’s… let’s not even start with finnish one.

Is there other things, yes. we are all going to die.
IT’s so relieving.
This year, I think it was already before reading Timothy Mortons “hyperObjects”, When walking through the cities I have had such a clear feeling of all this being passed already. Gone. Still here but not for long.

And I think my ideal, or wish, to have a stable home, to have a family(?) and at the same time reminding myself, that me, and the children specially have to be able to move, geographically, easily, fastly, safely. and create their safety not on place but being. I still do buy vinyls (mainly Miasmah, Sonic Pieces, Infite Greyscale), which is in total conflict with this.

Things are not stable, we are not, and I try to let go of the letting go so long that there’s no letting go.

a machine


“Somewhere, long time ago, I read that conflict is the origin of everything.
To not to agree.
To oppose a force, is to gather it, intensify.
Think of the dammed river.
Think of winds, tornados.
But eventually dam will either brake or overflow.
To resist to find something new,
To reguide.
Why am I fighting for. Why am I fighting? Or why I you? the hate, the fear?
Is violence the last resort of the unheard, not being listened, not having a change to change the environment, not having any other means of change.
When I feel I cannot affect my surroundings, be heard, I become angry… Thoughlesss violence. Little by little it becomes thought, thinking, how to affect. and then, it is called terrorism. And at the same time, it’s the byrocracy, the state, that is terrorizing me, pushing me to the point where I feel I have no option, no chances.
ONE. How can I reguide this force? how could I find options where there’s not, chance where I see none.
TWO. If your violence is born from the same, how could I support you, turn your aggression to the place of support. Without needing to defeat, without needing to crush, with out need to play it down or belittle, but to take in and turn that momentum into something that I can support?
In this world of abundance, in a world where, even with this overpopulation we could still feed and shelter and even educate us all… why do we deprive each others. Why do I feel lost and clueless on what to do, and how could I be in the place that is right for me.
If this is a machine, it should be breaked and redesigned. It’s not a machine, it’s us. can we change?”

I wrote this to a friend, thinking of a piece that I have been thinking for ages but never had the capability of actually applying the funds.
I haven’t been writing over here for such a log time, and since it feels that I would be again mainly complaining how I don’t know anything, I don’t want to write now either.

I would like to find people who would have a clear, straight forward ideas for work how would like to hear my twisted and not so straightforwards ideas for work and then work together.
It’s funny how I think that this world should really stop revolving around work and at the same time I want work. So, I don’t need work, but I need that I’m sustained and that I have meaningful things to do. It shouldn’t be so much to ask, but apparently it is.

Such is life.

day of dis….

PIc from Finland though.

We’ve been looking for bikes. To cycle from place to place. Cycles are cheap here, if you come from europe.
But if you think you’re going to use it for a month…
Yesterday we found a good bike with 300 pesos. Too good to be true.
WHen we went to pick it up this morning… yeah, the poor woman had made a mistake with the price, it was 700. Arse, mistake, hah. I donät know what she tried but mistake it was not. Maybe that I would settle for a worse bike with 400.
This place is full of talk that doesn’t mean a thing. Blaa blaa blaa.
People are trying to bullshit in everywhere. But here blaa blaa blaa is a rule, not exception.

So now I have to find a bike. again. maybe.

paypal refuses to work with me when paying to US. I do not know why.
I hope they’ll tell me. I think they’re trying to bullshit me as well.

But something totally different from all of this.
After telling my friend Weazie about Jozef Van Wissem and It is all that is made He returned a link to ubuweb’s Van Wissem site. And my god, rom there you can find forthcoming Ex Patris (from important records, on vinyl apparently). Ex Patris continues the same awesomeness and beauty as It Is All That Is Made. Superbly Superbly beautiful. From ubuweb you can also hear A Priori which is also super good, but these two works of 2009 are overwhelmingly good.
I’m happy so happy that one funny day I was visiting a local new recordstore in helsinki and just ecause of the covers I picked up Jozef’s Stations of the cross, I like it, enough that I got more, like A Rose By Anyother Name and A Priori and then It Is All That Is Made I’m so happy.

Right now my ears are filled with Black Boned Angel’s and Nadja’s collaboration. The “new” full lenght one. And sure it’s not Christ Send Light, but something slightly else. However this far I do like it.

I’m so sad about the bike. I’m so happy about the music.

Every weekend, fri to sun here is a market very close by. I’ve been getting a lot of bomillas. Gues what you’re going to get for souveniers?
Today there was a stall by a woman who makes knives. I’m such a sucker for knives. There was this one super beautiful one, and I had to keep telling myself that it’s unpractical for me, it’s made for skinning small animals, it’s not for me, I wouldn’t use it.. But it was so beautiful. I didn’t got it though. ANd I won’t get it tomorrow either (?)

SOS is full and now people are not even signing up for the waiting list so much anymore which is ok.

I think about coming back to finland. Going to russia and ukraine. My life and how it doesn’t seem to go anywhere even I’m going from place to place.
Most of the stuff comes down to couple of questions: “What is important?” “What do I want?”
I love to dance. Hire me.

Home again


Back home.

I though I would come home, go to shower and make some good cup of coffee. shite.
I open the door and see that the floor is covered with fine grey dust. I call my fatjer and ask what has happened. he doesn’t know, and recommends to call caretakers. They don’t know either. the whole flat is full of fine grey dust, from somewhere. there is renovations going on in this house but they don’t have any idea where and how it has become to this flat.

So instead of shower and coffee I start to clean up the mess. then I go and get some albums of which I’ll probably write later.

Right know I’m not feeling so goood and I’m thinking is it because of the dust, or is here something else in the air. Or should I just eat more? But no, I don’t think it’s the lack of eating..

let’s see…

See the chair, is full of dust. Let’s see how long my iMac survives and if it dies how the hell I can prova that it’s because of the dust and get it out of my home insurance?

Travelling was fine, I just hoped that the home coming would have been much more pleasant.


Okay I got some vinyl that I ordered on beginning of december(or end of october) I knew it would take time because couple of those, like The Ocean, was pre-order and I ws told it was going to be pressed on january or february. Nice to have them now.

Of course I haven’t yet listen to it all. So just a few words. Ion Dissonance’s minus the herd is ok but hasn’t really impressed me yet, it might still do it though. Textures’ Drawing circles I liked surprisingly lot, so let’s see what I think after more listenings. Bossk’s 1 seems to be clearly better than 2, I don’t think this will change but it might, like everything will. All of them are colored vinyl. Textures is only thing I haven’t really heard before at all. Cheap price and yellow vinyl helped my decision, I know I should not admit this.

The Ocean’s Precambrian is very nice, massive of course but that’s just nice. And I didn’t know it will be colored edition, so it was nice surprise to open it and find orange, red and grey vinyl inside. Good stuff, but right now I only remember second song from the red vinyl. It’s such a huge opus that I think I can spend some time really listening to it.

I also got a few other albums, like Moss’ Cthonic Rites and Twilight. but I haven’t really listened neither yet so I don’t say anything about them

About Aidan and cd-r’s Thanks to Ulla I got Candescence and Nagual ripped and thanks to Jussi I got Traumerei and Dance of Lonely Molecules ripped. So all the Aidan’s in my iPod. And even scrobbling seems to work now.

Let’s see I’m going for a quite a long trip, wiht my iPod, All the Aidan’s will be there with me. I just hope that when I get back home scrobbling wil work and provide the lists of those weeks.

All my friends are getting new macbooks. I want one too.
and a bigger iPod for teaching things.

I found small friends in my head. Bugger all. Now I want to get rid of them and hopefully have got already, rid.

So I should already pack, but before I have to do some more laundry

Relationships light serious reasonable or not are always…

I should get some more film (iso400) and take my camera with me…

I had a great week after sos. Performance was good and performing was nice. Mamushka was good also except that one drunken jerk you get in every place.

Now, in the middle again.

Good night and good luck to you all

Sleep Free

My rhythm of sleep is totally messed.

First day of the year, or night, actually morning. I’m up reading and now apparently writing.
I whish I could say: Still, pretty good year, but as we all understand I can’t.

With a few friends rising toasts for better year to come.
Maybe it will.

It feels wierd to go back to “normal” life, after all what is my normal? There’s no strucKture, no continuation. I feel.

I’ve been thinking my top 2007 but it comes in a few days, maybe even today, but only after sleep.

Listening a lot of USBM. Black Metal from US that is.
I’m really into Xasthur like I mentioned in previous post and now my new favourite song is “The Fourth Blind Wound” From Leviathan’s The Blind Wound ep. And even though I claimed in last post that it was lucky that Xasthurs Subliminal Genocide was sold out, I noticed that I wasn’t. Found grey vinyl version and ordered it, as well as red/green from that Leviathan The Blind Wound and 2 other releases from Xasthur as well as 2 from Leviathan. All on colored vinyl. I’m a sucker I am, I know. Now I just wait.

I hope that Aidan’s and the other drones will come this coming week. Aidan is heavily on my top 2007 btw.

Also found clear version of Shadows of the Sun and since I’m such a fanboy I ordered it. I read from Jester that there was this very special limited version released by the end records but it seems I was too late for that. Bummer.

There’s a lot of stuff I should listen soon. I noticed that one reason for me to listen new things is to figure out do I want them, early enough to be able to get limited colored vinyl pressings. Haha. It’s kind of sad, but what else there is in my life?

Not enough apparently since I’m really thinking of getting PSP. Sad though that the games are so expensive and if you want to use copied ones you have to mod the thingy which cuts off the warranty. But I could use some wipe out.
There’s always things to need (hard disk, scanner, stereo amplifier and speakers, new vinyl player) My records player really worries me, it has hard time sometimes to stay on 45 rpm. Oh brother. All these things point out into one direction: get a job.

When visiting my mother, I again though that I should ty to get rid of all of the materia, which pretty soon came to: most of materia. I don’t think I’ll give up buying music, vinyl and cd. I don’t think I’ll go with out computer, but books I can get from library, dvd’s I can borrow or rent. I don’t really need to buy them. Library is a great system. I just reserved simpson dvd’s from season 5 to 8. There’s a huge queue of course, so I get them when I get them and not on the same time (which is good), but I’ll get them and see them, I don’t need to have them on my shelf.

So again I’m writing about things. I could write about people, how annoying we all are at times, and how annoying it is to notice yourself being annoying and mean, without chance and will to really change it. Sometimes.

Release – Let go

Light of day

Tephra One Starving Day Brave Murdeer Day Genevieve

Not seeing much of it.

I tried to update wp quite a few times, but always it claimed that some table is missing from db. I don’t know what is wrong but of course I had a back ups so we’re back in 2.1.3. I don’t know what it really matters, this version works fine for most of my needs anyway, or all of them. New things only make new needs.

Anyway went to bed around six, didn’t get sleep until maybe around nine in the morning, woke up at five. But this goes nicely since I’m going to work tonight anyway.

My head keeps playing me funny pictures. The previous night I visited US at least two times, I rode a canoe, or paddled. I also drove quite a big ship, not as bick as silja or viking but big anyway. There was a lot of other stuff too, but I can’t really remember anymore. Seems like R is in quite a lot of them. I’m figuring this break up even as I sleep. Thats good, since I try not to when I’m awake.

There’s this thing I would need to write about improvisation and children in audience, but I haven’t got around of it and I’m not sure will I. I was so angry and I’m still pissed, but I’m not sure is it really worth a while. I just hate to see so much disrespect towards the performers and the artform I value highly and know how hard it is. Apparently the mother claims that she respect the performers too, but it doesn’t really look like that to me at all. Not to even mention respect towards the audience. If I would like to see children running around I can go to playground for fucks sake. Well.. maybe more analytic writing later on.

I’ve been thinking a lot of the top 2007, it will be hard.
Got Alcest‘s Souvenirs d’un autre monde as violet or purple or what not vinyl. I like it a lot specially the side A, but it’s not worth of all the buzz going around, or what went around. In the same packet was AmesoeursRuines Humaines one sided 10″. which is good, and also pic vinyl version of Katatonia‘s Brave Murder Day, which is still my favourite albums, maybe thats why I ordered that 3rd version of it, No sense I know.

I’m trying to look for new good metal, but haven’t yet found much. after She Said Destroy nothing has really hit so hard. But Evoken‘s A Caress of the void is definetly worth a buy. To me it sound like a mix of old MDB and Anathema and there was something else too [edit: uholy, that was it], anyway I like it. I’ve been trying to find it as vinyl version, but no luck yet. Also probably thanks to Velvet Cacoon I’m into black metal more or less. I was about to get Xasthur‘s Subliminal Genocide, but it was sold out which was kind of lucky, since at least with a few listenings it isn’t nearly as good as Defective Epitaph, which I should be getting too, but no vinyl vinyl version out yet(?)

I’m waiting a huge packet from Drone Records containing, yes, drone. Their own series of 10″ and bunch of Aidan Baker from which I’m waiting quite a lot. Maybe I get it tomorrow or on friday. Then there’s another order from another shop but it contains some pre-orders which will be out around end of january so I won’t get them in anytime soon. Specially because I’m quite sure that those pressing won’t be really ready on time. And then there’s always more, but there’s always more so what ever.

Maybe I should get a job and give up my artistic freedom (hah!), maybe if I do something (not art) from 3 days out of 7, every week. That should get me some money, not much but so that I can get by and maybe buy few albums every once and a while.
Let’s see.

My sister is by my side, good night and good luck to you all.


Well here in finland we have this thing called culture, and thing called theatre. This man named Smeds made a new production from this highly knowed book/play/movie “unknown soldier”. Even before it was premiered tabloids screamed what not. Now it has premiered but still we have these smart asses like our prime minister who said that this version might have some artistic value but he himself doesn’t see it. But He hasn’t bloody seen it! He hasn’t seen the play! and still he can say something like that in a newspaper for christ sake. What a bloody idiot. The controversal part of the play or this version of the play is in the end where they apparently shoot/kill persons living, like our president etc. I do not know why, but I wouldn’t judge it before seeing the damn thing. I understand it might be uncomfortable to go see a play and see yourself get shot on the stage, but still I wouldn’t judge ar critizise it’s artistic value before seeing the whole play. You know the director might have some point there. You never know. Isn’t it nice to work on a culture field on a country where we have such an intellectual at charge.

I could have something else to write too, actually I have, but I’m not going to do it now. so later.

clean up

isisisisisis maserati fridge rob crow

Today I’ve cleaned up the house, who is interested? I do not know. It’s a drag.

Also been listening quite a lot of music. Let’s go in there.

Although I wasn’t straight away so into Maserati‘s inventions for the new season I, now, find it quite nice, maybe not relaxing, but somewhere along the lines. And the fact that it’s colored vinyl helps me a lot. I don’t know why, it doesn’t make the music any better, but somehow it gives me more pleasure to get the vinyl out, and see it, lay it on the player, and see it turn as I hear the sounds.

I also got two albums from Fridge. I’ve listened both only once, so I can’t really go into deep details here, yet. Maybe later. Again it’s colored vinyl, I’m specially happy about happiness, since a/b is violet/black and c/d is yellow/black, My favourite colours.
Also the Sun is very nice looking, clear red.

I also got Rob Crow‘s Living Well as a vinyl. Yes I got it on cd, but back then I didn’t know that temporary residence will release it on vinyl too, and that the vinyl will have 5 extra songs. And it’s an orage/black vinyl, so of course I had to take it. Actually two of the extra songs are pretty darn good and that album is probably one of the best pop albums I’ve heard for a while.

Yes all of these mentioned above are from temporary residence

Got IsisCelestial released by conspiracy records and as a orange/white vinyl. I have to say that I would have liked to see more white on the vinyl, but never mind. I have listened it through a couple of times, but I can’t really say anything about it. it’s Isis, and it’s old, yes they have gone forward after that album, but it’s not bad album all the same.

I also got Fear Falls Burning/Nadja, also released by conspiracy records but as a cd. Nice covers though

US lifted up the postage pricess, thanks to big companies trying to fuck up smaller ones, annoying, read more here. So now everything is way more harder. I have to raise my hat to temporary residence though, they still have the most lowest shipping rates than any other place I’ve come across in the US.

It’s annoying, there’s so much stuff that isn’t available in EU easily, And I rather support small independent labels residing where ever.

More later on.


sunnsunnsunnsunnsunnsunnborisborisborisboris sunnsunnsunnsunnsunnsunnborisborisborisboris sunnsunnsunnsunnsunnsunnborisborisborisboris sunnsunnsunnsunnsunnsunnborisborisborisboris

Ok, I think I’ll write more about this on finnish “ideana”, but we went to see the place for SOS. And what a nice place it was. I tried to take punch of pictures for the forthcoming website, but it’s a hard job since now is summer and then, it will be winter. But maybe you can get some kind of idea about the place and spaces.
All and all, it seemed a best place this far and I think we will settle for it. Now we only have to do some counting, and get the flyers ready and start to advertise. We are hoping to get about 80 people. In my own opinion I think we should go between 60 and 100. Since the place is providing the food etc, we can go up to 100. But let’s see how this all will work out.

Yesterday, after sitting in front of the computer I went and took the motor off from the boat. Found out that the steering is broken, tried to fix it, but came to conclusion that I need some more (and better) tools before I can even try. Probably, even if I get the tools and get the thing open, I cannot fix it, but it’s nice to try.

After tinkering with the boat I picked up mail, which included 2 packets of cd and three cards that said I have registered mail. So off to the post office. Didn’t have my passport with me (only official id I have) but luckily the man behind the counter believed I am me, after 4 different cards all saying my name and some including picture. More packets.

I got Japan version of JESU’s conqueror, which includes sunrise/sundown cd. And it’s a really beautiful packet.
I got Alva Noto’s Xerrox vol.1 and Senking’s list from Microsuoni, a place from where I think I’ll order all my clitch/elect/raster stuff from now on, since David has provided such a great service.
I got Marzuraan’s Solid Wood and Loinen’s seltitled, on vinyl. I’m not really sure why I got Loinen. I hope it will become an item and I’ll get huge amount of money out of it, let’s say in 5 years. Marzuraan instead is also bit difficult, mainly bacause of the vocals, but I really like it.
I got Nadja’s Corrasion and Bodycage. Bodycage I’ve heard and it’s great. Corrasion I’m listening right now.

I also got the Burning Paris anthology cd from 29north, a band I haven’t heard at all. I listened it this morning and the first five songs didn’t sound bad at all.

I also listened Alva Noto’s Xerrox yesterday and… It sounds somehow different than his previous works I’ve heard. I can’t yet say how, what really is the difference there, but somehow. I really need to lsiten more.

Scott Walker’s the Drift doesn’t stop amaze me. Like Hand me Ups there’s this other song going on backgroud, and is it a really real song? and individual art work, or is that song made up just to be part of hand me ups? And if so how the hell has he come up with that song, just to be background of another song. That guy might be genius.

eurovision is going on, I couldn’t care less, except I did when I was in the town. Too much people. I still am thinking about moving to countryside.

Dull days


I listen to vinyls, which is nice. I know I should get something “useful” done but somehow time just seems to go by, not flying, but fast enough. I need a work chair, since I’m again sitting too much in front of computer.

I get waked up several times during early morning with a question: Could you turn to your side. How to get rid of the snoring? Any working solutions?

Guess I’m hoping someone is going to rescue me from this all, even though I know no one else will if I don’t do it myself.

I’m not at loss, but it’s hard to see the point of things. I occasionally think I should leave it all and move somewhere in the country side and be a hermit. I know I won’t cause I don’t have the guts, and I don’t really see the point of that either.

I feel I’m not connected to anything or anyone, but I know I’m connected to everything, like we all are.

So what am I?

There is a sence of lack. I’m lacking desire or passion to anything, at the moment. I can easily sit in front of computer though. I don’t desire it, it just happens. If I would have a tv I probably would sit in front of that too.

So what do you want to do?
What do I want to do?

I guess I need to find answer to that myself.

Well there are things I want to do, but to make them happen needs a lot of trouble, and I don’t want to be troubled.
This doesn’t sound too good right now.

Luckily, albums do sound good. Like Windmills by the Ocean, Scott Walker, Russian Circles, Nadja among others.


I’ve registered for two CI festivals this summer. I don’t have the faintest idea where I’ll get the money but I think I will. Both festivals are in the neighbourhood. Close country, near by. I have to prepare myself to everything like always.

Anyway I hope it’s good.. maybe next summer or the one after that I’ll get myself teach there. Maybe not.

And there’s NIM of course, but that doesn’t count, somehow.

Nadja hit the spot with Bodycage and specially the beginner Clinodactyl. Ended up getting them. Not all of course because there’s plenty. Can’t really understan what the hell mister Baker does alldays. No I tell a lie, I can, he probebly makes records. One after another.

Nothing else to be really enthustiastic about since Aerial, which still is awesome.

Oh and I made copies of “save my breath” to sale. Order one. 7€ with the postage. If we meet somewhere, then it’s 5.

I got the domain changed to another web hotel provider. Same place as this is. They’ve having some difficulties with getting my e-mail work. Buggers. Waveway’s e-mails have been a problem for some time. They’ve been promising to renew it (fix it) like 4 months now. I sure as hell hope that this won’t be the case with dd.
Deeply annoyed, but they’re cheap. This is how it shows.

A big bunch of people (me included) are plannig to have CI festival here in Finland next year. It will happen, as soon as we find a nice place with at least 3 good dance spaces, which in one would have to fit about 80 people to jam at once. Surprisingly hard. Any ideas, send me a note.

Good night, and good luck to you all.

How very annoying


I was about to write something about technique Vs. improvisation but I’ll leave it to later.

I’ve been telling this story about ordering cd’s from staalplaat. They not giving any answers to e-mails and me starting to worry that I’ve lost 120€ and never getting the cd’s. I worried so much, because some of the cd’s were releases of raster-noton and the prints are not so big and they might actually sell out. So ensuring that I’ll have them, I ordered those four (4) cd’s again from microsuoni (great shop btw, brilliant service, more later). At this point it was over a month since my order from staalplaat and I still haven’t heard anything from them. I already started a paypal dispute, still no answer so I made it a claim. And just hoped that paypal will decide the argument favour to me and I’ll get at least some of the money back.

Yesterday evening when I got to my mailbox I was waiting some kind of note that there’s a packet in post office for me. And there was, from microsuoni, but wtf, there was also a packet in the mailbox, from staalplaat!! so the cd’s arrived at the same day. This means I now have 2 copies of those four cd’s. Great. David from microsuoni already mailed me that if I’ll sent the cd’s back to them as a registered mail, I can have something else from them with same amount of money. That’s how great service they have.

Well this is not all. Earlier yesterday I was using Denise’s computer, because vinyl version of Jesu’s “conqueror” came to market at 12:00 cet. Well of course the shop pages crashed down due to heavy traffic. But I did get myself a clear vinyl, actually for various reason the computer made 5 orders of it. Of course I mailed them that I only need one, and it’s the pages acting up. So happy happy. When I got back home there was a e-mail waiting for me: “You might have noticed that our website couldn’t handle the heavy traffic and crashed. This resulted in selling more copies of the clear vinyl than we actually could. Unfortunately your order is one of those so we can’t send you any clear vinyl.” Was I annoyed? This coming in top of me ending up with 2 copies of those cd’s.
What can I do, if they don’t have it they don’t have it. I had ordered other stuff from them and was waiting just this to add onto the order. Luckily they edited my order a bit more because of this. Which made me feel a bit better. Still it was only 70 copies of that clear vinyl. I would have liked to have one.

Back home I started to imp those cd’s to my computer. And this time 2 cd that my drive just won’t read. It takes them in, lies almost silent for a while and then spits them out. Very annoying. I don’t have possibility to get new computer at the moment. I hope it’s just the cd’s or something. R’s machine read them fine, so I can add them to Pod anyway.

Let’s see what happens today.

Sorrows weep not


Now I have made an paypal dispute(?), I try to get my money back from staalplaat since it seems I won’t get my cd’s. They don’t even answer. But this webhotel provider answered, finally, which was nice.

I ended up ordering some of the same cd’s I ordered from staalplaat again from microsuoni. So there is a fair chance that I’ll end up having two copies of 4 cd’s. Let’s see. I just hope I get my money back.

And again when I have money I have a great urge to use it, fast fast fast. I would like to get a new stereo amplifier, but I don’t have that much money, and even if I had, which is good? Good enough. Same thing with the speakers. I visited one hifi shop and the person there recommended me some things but I would like know more. The problem is that you shoud listen yourself. How does it sound?

On jesterboard was a question are there some artist whose album you will buy anyway, without listening. I answered Do Make Say Think, but now having listened “You, you’re history in rust” I have to re-think. I also have to listen to it again and again.

I’ve been meaning to write more about those performances I saw the other week. Somehow I just can’t get myself to do it. Should I rather do it in Finnish? I don’t know. Let’s try now.

Two pieces from the same choreographer. Both somehow sad or melancholic, but reason more being with the music used and my own emotional state at the time of perceiving. I liked them both.

The first one (solo) brought Maija’s work to my mind. There was some clear connection in the form (for me). Use on speech and language, the tone of speech, official, bit statement like, clear. In movement language the similarities was in exactness, preciseness, sharpness although the actual movement was very, very different.
Other differencies: In this piece the speech commented movement, creation of it (choreographing). The movement was movement made. I don’t know did it say anything. So all in all the piece was about making a dance piece and performing it, being a dancer, being a choreographer. The relationship between speech and movement was somehow one sided. Speech was commenting the doing, creating of something.

In Maija’s work the speech relates to friends, parenthood, social connections. The movement might say something else, it might comment the speech, it might comment something completely else. The relationship between speech, movement, music, and video is quite equal. All of them are tools to express something about the world, social connections, humans.

Some words about the second piece.

The second piece (quintet) had very much similarity with the first one. Use of speech, but this time the tone was more friendly, laid back, conversational. Of course there was more persons to have conversations with. Movement was very similar to the first. Again speech commented movement, choreography, memory of it, and this time also some personal things. This was somehow intriguing to me. Since the movement didn’t have any connection to those personal things or that personal stuff said had anything to do with the movement, it showed out very clearly where the person lies in dance. To me they came person when talking, when being in front of audience not dancing, when moving but not “dancing”. As soon as they went into clearly choreographed dance their persona faded. This, of course, is not true. I could see how they are and I’m quite sure that everything, every walk, glance, movement was choreographed, not only those “dance” movement.
[why I use “dance”? What I mean by it? All of it was dance. What I mean with “dance” is a clear series, phrases that they usually did in unison of different groups]
But If I would have to say the differences in their movement while doing that phrase stuff, I would find it very hard.

Again the piece concentrated on dance, making dance, making choreography.
This brought my mind what Yvonne Rainer said when she was asked why she stop doing dance pieces and went into film making. She explained that she felt that with dance is only possible to comment dancefield it self, it’s history, it’s values, it’s present state, but maybe not so much of society, it’s values, it’s history, it’s present state [< - this is my interpretation totally, maybe she didn't mean this, maybe she said something else] But by commenting making dance and making choreography you can also tell something more general about human beings, sure. I'm not reaching the conclusions here, but nevermind. I'm trying to say that I myself value works that say something about society, asks how we work as humanbeings, not how we work as dancers or choreographers. But at the same time I try not to say this too strongly. It doesn't mean that I would not value works that are only commenting dance within the dance. Like I said I really likes both pieces I saw.

Premiere is on saturday. Yesterday we still talked about big changes, today we have to try them out before six when the test audience arrives. I better get going.

Good night and good luck to you all.

I tend to forget

pretty picture

I got this postcard from a friend. I tend to forget. I guess originally it was a flyer for some dance(?) piece, I don’t know. But it’s a great title for any piece.

This house I’m living is quite cold now. The walls are covered with kyprok, it means we can’t hang much painting, pictures etc onto the walls. Well, we are moving.

Nobody answers me. I’ve been mailing staalplaat a lot. I ordered them a bunch of albums on 1.2.07 They haven’t arrived, they haven’t answered. Sad bastards. I’ve ordered from them before with no problems. I don’t know what’s the point. And this webhostel provider where whis page is, is renewing their mail system. I cannot make new mail boxes. This been the case for about 3 months now. They said that this renewing would be ready on beginning of 2007. I’ve mailed their “helpdesk” for three times now, No answer. Sad bastards.

Say what you like, but pod’s lovely. Right now I’m listening reverb by Alva Noto and Ryuichi Sakamoto and the first piece is absolytely stunning, very different than the stuff on Vrioon and Insen but really lovely. Actually it’s just very suitable for my mood now. It doesn’t make it less lovely though.

Listened through Cult of Luna’s Salvation and suddenly realised that at least now I actually like Somewhere along the Highway even more. When I first listened “Somewhere…” I felt it was good but not as brilliant as Salvation. Things change. Our perception changes.

I went to see two dance pieces today. Liked them both, but I can’t help thinking how useless and hopeless this all is. Even though I felt that the pieces mainly comment about dance, choreography and making of those two, it still made me feel sad. Its good to ask my own motivation for doing things. How to do things? Why why why. And the never fading: What is important and what do you really want to do?

I don’t read the handprograms nowdays, or if I do I read them after the seeing the piece. Usually I just check what was the music. Why?

Do I really need to know what was the base for the piece, why is it made? Art is made to be perceived, not explaned. Ok, not all hand programs explain, many of them don’t, but some of them do. Book is written to be read, Song is sung to be heard. If I need to explain what is this piece about, why do I do the piece?

If you read books, how many good backside have you read? Ususally on the back of the book is some words that try shortly explain what the book is about. Why bother. Those text are always (with a few exceptions) crap.

What if I wouldn’t have to validate my art by explaining it, what if doing it would be enough. It is enough.

New Releases…

boat boat a ship a boat

Rehealsals or Practise of Heisu is getting easier. Since it’s almost ready, we just warm up and go through it. So suddenly I have a plenty of time. Well not everyday, but today. And since there’s a jam in C4 anyway [edit: Anna just came in and told me that todays jam is in B2, oh well], why bother to leave. Zodiak has a “new” iMac here so I’ve been here surfing.

Actually I found out these news already last monday:

New Jesu, Conqueror, is coming on this month, very soon. Jesu is also relesing other stuff, annoyingly on limited vinyl editions. I don’t mind vinyl, but that vinyl is usually expensive to order from abroad and because it’s limited it’s hard to get from the local shops. For more news of Jesu go here

Constellation has been releasing a lot of stuff lately. I have totally fallen off, I heard some Carla Bo..?? and it didn’t really convinced me, but they’re also releasing this, which can’t be bad. Well of course it can, but I really really don’t think so. Again problem is that I want it in vinyl. I could order it straight from canada though. Let’s see.

Visiting Supersilent and Rune Grammofon I found out that Shining and Arve Henriksen are both releasing new albums through Rune, which is great. I still don’t have Arve’s earlier works, but they’re on the list. Last shining “in the kingdom…” was great and at least the samples at their myspace promises that the new one will be great as well.

Right now I’m waiting a few packages from abroad bringing me some releases of raster-noton and intr-version. I also finally ordered Arvo Pärt‘s Alina (by ecm) and Max Richter‘s “Songs from before” plus EF‘s “give me beauty… or give me death”. Some stuff from neurot recordings will reach me hopefully soon also.

I notice that my “good things” very often include or are some real things. Like this time I got meself a new printer which will allow me to print almost photo like quality. It’s great for the next 8cm cd-r release I am making. Another is 50mm objective for my camera, and because it’s a digital camera that 50mm has to be x 1,6 so actually it’s an 80mm with 1,8F which is nice because it’s so hard to find enough light nowdays.

About that next 8cm cd-r release: Right now I think it will contain four songs. All of them are played with acoustic guitar and sung. Very simple stuff like always. It feels that I have the songs already desided although some lyrics are still waiting to be finished. I hope I can start to record stuff after Heisu performances are over, so around the end of february. Let’s see. My aim is actually record more stuff and then pick those four songs out, but already now it feels that I know which ones they will be. I also know that recording stuff is never easy for me. I try to take it easy and relaxed. Hopefully everything will be ready around may with the music, layout, cover’s and stuff. Then I only need to find people to buy it.

Some more advertisements. Go to aversion online if you want to find new metal/hc stuff. After my last visit I decided to get She Said Destroy’s album (I haven’t got it yet though) and Wolverine Brass’s latest which I’m not even sure how will I get it. I think I can find SSD from local music store but Wolverine Brass is probably a bit harder to find.

Good night and good luck to you all.


This works… The net I mean. connection failed around 22 of december and then it came back maybe once (my last post) and then never until now. My god the guys in Elisa are fast. Actually of course Elisa (the company) doesn’t have any men since they’re buying all network workers outside. Bunch of fucking morons if you ask me. Well never mind.

More important is that I got my first pay check and it went almost immediatly to all the debts. oh well.

More important that best of 2006 list is missing one awesome album: Cult Of Luna’s Somewhere along the highway. It’s awesome and is definetly on my top five of 2006 albums. so include it there.

Should go to bed now. Let’s see will this work tomorrow. I doubt it.

Read: M John Harrison – The Course of the Heart

New year same old + top list in a way, anyway


Well of course what else it could be? Internet broke down just before mas and came back just a few minutes ago. I am an addict. Sad thing is that I already paid for december. I shouldn’t, well let’s see what they say now.

I bought that external hard drive. Took WD’s my book since they promised 5 year guarantee, IT’s been working alright, although silverkeeper software which came with lacie tops wd’s software hands tied.

But now I have a back up of my music which is nice.

I’ll try to update today since it’s possible.

Got John Fahey’s Red Cross. I kinda like it.

Anyway let’s go to the top list of 2006, recarding music now, surprisingly.
Now let me be clear with this, many/some of these albums might not be released on 2006, but for some reason or other I have heard/listened them in 2006 for the first time. Does this make sense? maybe not, who cares. I’ll try t start with albums released 2006 though

Once We Were – Contra
Well hey, what did you expect I been raving about this since when?

Audrey – Visible forms
This albums seems to get better every time I hear it.

Jesu – Silver
Not as brilliant as debut what fine work nevertheless

Katatonia – Great Cold Distance
Best katatonia (“new” katatonia that is, let’s not include brave murder day and souds of decay, both top almost everything, expect discouraged ones) after discouraged ones, I think that to me they will never top iscouraged ones anyway, but what the hell GCD Is brilliant all the same

Gregor Samsa – 55:12
To be honest I think if I wouldn’t just got this album it wouldn’t be here. It’s good sure but if I would have had this from february would I remember it?

Band of Horses – everything all the time
I’m actually surprised to see this here. But I really like the album. Although I recommend to check the previous band “Carissa’s Wierd” which I’m listening Right now. And this album is here and among my vinyls much because that great great guitar thingy on the first song. I mean yes the whole album is good but that thing hooked me totally.

Mogwai – Mr.Beast
Apparently mr. beast was released on 2006. It’s Mogwai, It’s good. Travel is dangerous and folk death ’95 are great. the whole albums yes it’s great too.

Jon Auer – songs from the year of our demise
At least the european version was released on 2006. The albums is full of brilliant songs and playing and singing. Still I feel that he was even better on live.

deathprod – 6 track
OK I haven’t really listened this a lot, but I’m just so happy to have it.

The white birch – come up for air
Rune Grammofon released this in 2006 althoug I think it’s released 2005 by.. Glittermusic(?) any way Great pop song really one of my favourites this autumn

Now what else. If I got things right all the above have been released in 2006 Next ones aren’t.

Torchous – variations
Really Great Album. I think that I’ve listened this album the most on year 2006, most of the summer at least. Really really awesome although released years ago but I only had this on may.

Kam:As – bric-a-brac
Another one from sinnbus, great album.

Hah while writing this internet connection failed, broke whatnot. so let’s see when I have this on the net. Saving file.

pathetic and somehow funny.

Oh dear. CCheck the video.

NY times – vista [Via]


oh please

My day off.

Elisa sent me a bill of 113€ for adsl, which have been working about a month, and no again it’s down every once in a while. Called them but the billing section had closed their lines. This happened yesterday. I should have called them today but I didn’t want to. I will tomorrow, maybe. Well I should. I can pay for the opening and one month that the line actually has been working but not for three months.

Spent a lot of time in hopeinen omena, checking any news of seagate’s harddrives. Found something. The bugger with external harddrives like Lacie and iomega is that you really don’t know who’s drive there is. It can be maxtors, westerndigitals, seagates… I heard that seagate makes best and most durable harddrives at the moment. Now I should figure out all this stuff with IDE/ATA/PATA/SATA and find a really nice looking extenal harddrive case with firewire connection. I already figured out that if I get 2 seagates 320G hard drive and 2 cases it will be cheaper than getting 500G ready made external. And now, come to think of it I should figure out 120G 2″5 hard drive and small FW case for it and maybe just one 320G 3″5 hard drive and case. I am such a consumer, really.

And I want a new computer. Have I tell this already, and who cares, but I do. Wise move would be to get macbook and about 22 screen for it. But I really want a 24″ iMac. But laptop is very handy. White one thanks. with 2G memory and 100G harddrive.

A lot of new music, and most of it under the “genre” of post rock. Lately of course more OWW and Audrey but also Gregor Samsa and today’s sample is from them. Long song but gives a quite good picture about the bands music. Also I’ve tried to hunt down Jeniferever’s ep’s but with no luck. And also Jakob sounded nice, but I have to listen more. So much so much. Come to think of it, the 8G iPod would be handy.
Anyway listen this

Gregor Samsa – Even Numbers

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