And away


On the last meeting before the semester break starts, director of the department wonders how to make me really work. I wonder the same.

It all doesn’t make much sense.

I get a call of another disappointment, and I don’t know wether to be ok, or really angry.

I see people on SOS and enjoy immensely.
Some people can be straight and honest and I appreciate that.
I dance with all of my friends and realize that there’s no one like them, that there’s no one like anyone.
It’s such a gift, to move together, enjoy so much that it’s not even enjoying, because in order to enjoy there should be someone to enjoy, and there is just the dance. Immersed into it.

I see shortly my mother and my father. Realising that I’m old, and they’re old. And it might be that I don’t see them for another year unless I choose to visit them. But time seems to be going somewhere eventhough there’s nothing else. And I feel disengaged, too far, and I don’t know how to engage, to tell them again that I love them, and that sometimes I feel I’ve let them down since it seems I still can’t survive without their financial support.

I spend a day with my frined marko, digitazing new and old vinyls. And I feel like a bad friend, occasionally, since it’s so hard to concentrate and be present.

And I’m flying to frankfurt and I’m flying to madrid.
And I sent a message to the message board faintly hoping that someone would answer me, or not just someone but certain someone. And I’m afraid I said too much already because I don’t really know what is there.

And I have this wish of finding.. but then I decide that it’s me who is found. and that someone will find me if it didn’t happen already.

And I don’t find my flight on the webpage, so I call to the airport, since they had strike yesterday and since my flatmate couldn’t get her plane this morning. But they assure me that everything is ok, although is should leave soon.

And I can’t get my phone to download map of madrid to Gmaps… maybe it’s google and not my phone.
but approximately I know where to go..

And I chose not to be in madrid and not to be in bilbao so much, but instead to fly to ibiza to eat the chocklad hearts of my adopted sister… who is a sister of so many. And to see Sebastian and Matias who I like a lot.

And I’m going tomorrow to Sevilla to work with 2 women I haven’t met in two years, and I want to make a piece with them, for them. And it’s exiting and scary at the same time because I just don’t know what is going to come out.. I’m afraid that I will fail, somehow, eventhough I’m not sure what failing is within this context. I was hoping for a trio, but I get a duet, i think.

And I’ll perform “everything’s the same” once again, hopefully in Sevilla and in Malaga. And again I’m afraid that no one like’s it. But at the same time, it doesn’t need to be liked, hopefully it will move someone.

And I’m aware of all of the work I should do for the studies, but I haven’t done that yet… I hope, that in Sevilla I have time to read and write as well… eventhough I’ll not have the big screen for it.

And I notice that I’m an addict since the last thing I pack is the computer and the first thing I unpack is computer.

On perfroming (badly)


Indecisive decision making

Performance. everything is always performance, everything.
Me eating my bread alone in my room is performing. You see how you perform yourself in order to be yourself?
I perform being good, I perform being bad. So what am I, a continuous performance not ending untill the death takes me or I return?
I performed well, heartrate monitors, timelaps, things to be carried. To play a role when there’s no roles…. wait.. how can there….
So who is there performing? There’s nothing there except the performance and that’s why it’s so difficult to stop because nothing is a scary thing, but it’s scary only for the performance, it is not scary to nothing itself since it is not it. Thus performance keeps on going in order to go and when it stops it is not there and nothing else is there either. So it doesn’t really matter is the performance good or bad, well… it’s an secondary idea because what is important is that it keeps going. Secondary is it a good performance or bad performance. In order to be a good performances there needs to be bad performances. But this performance wants, secondary be a good performance, primaly it wants to keep on going because somehow performance has a sense of living eventhough it is not life itself. Life will go on with out the performance, but performance has difficulties to believe or understand that. Let’s go to the secondary. A good versus bad performance. This performance is this performance and thus this performance makes separate performance in the world, performance ”around” in and in the performances in it. The Grand performance is always just a performance, but the performances can be qualified within it and what is making the qualification, a performance that is comparing other performances to another not seeing that all and all it is just a one big performance. When will this big performance realise itself? or when will the performance truly end all together? If performance is NOT life, can we have life without performance where life is just life. No things all things and life isn’t even life, life is death and death is life and this is it and that’s it.

Free Written on ”body mind precence” workshop as a task to write about performance
Bold parts chosen later on scanning through text and picking “main points”

This text above is also to be found somewhere else.
I felt I catched something but I don’t really get it.
You know, because there is no one to get it.
It’s all crazy around here…

If it would be, it would be this

I’m trying to keep several thigns up at the same time, according to writing and to where I am writing.
Not very easy that, but at the same time the others are clearly for me so eventhough everything is open in this WWW, I don’t think anyone will ever find those things because I can’t think what would be the interest. Unless I start to write more interesting things about my studies.

Well there’s interesting things about studies, but I’m not articulating those thing very well.
I’m in this mm.. conflict(?) within the interests. Right now I’m reading book by Andre Lepecki, “Exhausting dance” and it’s really hugely interesting, and at the same time I feel that I could never create dance through such a analyctical though points of views eventhough I like to think myself as analytical. Nevertheless when faces with real analytical thinking I have a tendency to lift my hands up and give up.
The world is such a complex network of… yes what… networks. and at the same time world is so simple.
Some of the feeling I get when reading Lepecki, or philosophy, or UG Krishnamurti is that we would have this parasite within us, or within language… That actually the really living thing is something else than the biological beings, but actually the being is really living in the network of language or symbols that the biological beings create, and somehow that network of symbols or that being(s) living there are controlling the biological being, and we are traped within, and only through luck we can break free of it..
And it’s not even social control, it’s far beyond of normativeness of social/unsocial behaviours, it’s hidden inside of the very.. not even language but thinking… not even thinking but being… Somehow

On summer in Berlin I saw a dream.
For a long time I have though, and in some I still think that language is ideas, ideas made visible and without language it would not be. Of course different people think by different means, and language is one way of articulating the idea.
However in this dream I was having dicussion with Sveta who at point had told me that it’s so difficult for her since first she has to make a though and then she has to translate that into english, like there’s double process, first making the idea/though into language and then translating that into another language.
And I was explaining back to her that there’s a double work, that if I use a lot of english like I do now, I don’t need to translate from language to another but i can “dress” the though with the language needed. Unfortenutaly at the moment I have only 2 ways of (a)dressing, Finnish and English.
That living being, a parasite, or truth or what ever is in that space before the language, before the social concepts, bending the biological into it’s use.. until we break free.

Eventually the freedom comes, but it doesn’t come to me, it comes, and it’s only it. It’s nothing else.
So language or thinking is eventually locked up. Now most of the hippie friends will be happy because this is their mantra, but unfortenutaly they’re fucked as well. Because when advocating “feeling”, “heart” “emotion” they are as locked up. Because actually is not language that is locked up, it’s all categories, which tend to come from language, but to be aware without language of somekind doesn’t seem to be possible at all.

I wrote about communication before, and how the only reason to communicate is that there is categories or concept of, I You We Us etc… Leave those and there’s no one and nothing to communicate about. No inside, no outside…
Ah something about language and communication: watch.

So, coming back to myself.. Why am I doing what am I doing?
What am I doing?
Why it would be important to do?
Is there a way to change things when things are always changing?
If not, then why not, and how not not?

More importantly, can dance, movement or non-movement, tell something about where how what when?
If there is me, what is the role of me?
If there is a role.

Yesterday was solictice. Winter started over here, but for me we are heading towards spring. Midwinter is over.

Stop, start.


Just a short note.
Rob Crow is Great.

For a long time I haven’t checked Temporary residence’s webpage, well. i don’t have the money… But my god, I better get it and soon :D

Listen to this.

rob crow – sophistructure

I love it.

And it’s old already.
Actually Rob has one of the most beautiful voices in the rock pop industry.. sure, tehre’s hundreds of others, but his voice is also very recognizable.
Great stuff indeed.

Gain All Wisdom


Same place.
Every time I got out today it started to rain.
So wet I get.
Only one pair of shoes since I haven’t picked to other ones from Patricia. But hey, they would get wet too.

Reading through Queering Anarchism.
It’s interesting. But I do wonder how we can cast aside all categories.
And if there is categories is it possible not to have hierarchies.

And then I remember one blog writing from Kaaro in HS, about the tribe whose “rule” is that no one can have power over the other, not even adult over the children. So you can give advises, but you can’t demand, or threat. And then i wonder is it just inside of their society, or do they treat other tribes like that as well. And is it still working, are they there somewhere.

Anyway, humans are categoring machines, it’s part of the survival. And easily those categories are labelled with plusses and minuses. But then, why anything that other people do or be, not concerning me, should be either plus or minus. Well, because the other people create me. And it’s easier to understand what I am if there is only binary system. It’s just simple, but most of us know that simplicity isn’t the nature of the nature. There is the norm.. but norm is actually the most common… and pretty much no one is exactly the most common. It’s the average of all, and no one is that either. The average is collided, melted mix of qualities, but pretty much everyone actual person is divergent somehow of that average.
It’s a picture, almost like ideal, except that it’s not really ideal, just average.

Still the questions which arises about state and individual and freedom are extremely important, they’ve always been but I feel them even more important now when so many power structure are really twisted and working wrong.. So question is, do we really need them at all?
And yet, always when I think of ideal, I think of much smaller community, set of people. How to get everything work with this global net we’re having seems very difficult, and yet, must not give up hope.
Actually, I tell I lie, Give up all hope. Hope does little.
Life is amazing, awesome and beautiful. Even when it’s not.

ok, back to personal. How I label, categorise things, and why am I so intrigued when someone doesn’t fit into my, yes usually, binary system… and yet.. how to make it work otherwise.
I remember one person complaining about mens and womens Sauna, what if he doesn’t feel to fit either one.. But at the same time, most of people who are not ok with the mixed sauna, are using the categories of men and women… and no, s/he didn’t tell which categories we should ask.. But next time when I meet hrem I’ll ask.
It’s so easy in finnish when the personal pronoun is void of gender.. it can be whatever.
In english, it’s much harder, even the language uses binary.
So why then when I see a person I can’t put into binary, I really get intrigued which where to place her/him? Why would it matter unless I have some desires… actually even then, even if I would have sexual or romantic desires towards her/him.. why should the binary matter… because?
At the same time.. I know that I’m not really attracted, this far, to persons I can’t set on the opposite binary than myself. So why do I need to know the binary? Beats me, cultural programming?

However, reading about how actually state has been forging the binary gender and the male “dominance”, made me think of something I read from Giorgio Agamben, but it was a bad pdf… so then I surfed a bit of amazon and made about 300€ basket, which I of course cannot buy at the moment. Although one hundred of that is books of Dogen and the rest Giorgio A..

Funnily enough when trying to solve my computer problem, I found out that well.. maybe just getting bigger screen and wireless kayboard and trackpad.. yes another 300€

The same the same.

Looking for a room. Have seen few nice ones, but it’s ot only me choosing.

Somewhere very far someone is making the way on the train. I think it should be here already.

I come to believe UG, there is no orginal though anywhere.

And that brings to my mind this Butoh school in somewhere north india. Princess Pilar has told me stories about it, and jsut now Jonathan told more stories.. I started to feel that I will find myself over there at some point. But maybe I’m totally wrong.

Old Jesu is greater than the new I’m afraid. Old Unholy is great, still after all these years. I don’t even think it’s nostalgia, I think it’s just good.

I have to activate my writing… to write.
Eventhough everything is being said a long time ago…

Btw, blog is a such and easy format, I even though about making one for the poems… but now..
well.. I don’t know… maybe I keep it in old way html in

Good night and good luck to you all

Rainy and Gray


In Frankfurt.

It rains a lot over here it seems.

Staying at Katja’s and Patricks. Taking care of the dog and two cats. Well, their roommate has been taking care at elast as much as me.. Like today I haven’t even gone out because I only have tabis whch would get totally wet.

Trying to find a place to live, and get teh byrocracy sorted.
Tomorrow I go see one room.
Next week I think I need to visit the school if I don’t hear from them since I should get 2 papers to finland on next week. Luckily in electronic form.

The UNI starts on 14th.. soon. I can stay here till end of the month, which is great.
Too bad Katja is leaving now when I’m here.

We will have a small class it seems, 7, but 7 is a good number.

The deadline I set didn’t hold. How I keep in trust. And at the same time I feel strangely indifferent.
There’s some anxiety under, somewhere, so far that I’m not even sure is it there.
There’s nothing much either, except that there is.

Thinking back of the summer and how great it was. and how great this is.
Is it?
Why is it?
it is.

Knowing… there’s some sense of growing knowledge, about something that I don’t know yet.

And yes, part of me hopes and thinks that it will turn everything better.
But the knowing tells me that everything is better already.

Going throught the bookself of K&P… nice stuff, I hope I can borrow them when they’re on their way, which they will be.

From the depths of computer and harddrives I found brilliant music. Juana Molina, one album but I need to hear more, since, since Segundo sounds mainly great.
Le Mystère Des Voix Bulgares by Bulgarian state tv and radio choir is amazing as well.
And right now I’m listening to Benoit Pioulard which has been with me for a long time but I haven’t really listened to it. And now I do, and I think I will listen more.

My own musical adventures don’t really go anywhere much.

I have bunch of pictures on my camera from the summer which I want to upload to’s photo section, and eventually I will.

This computer of mine starts to brake up… when I press the sides of it… like not the trackpad but like 5 cm from the track pad, it’s still the same as I would push the track pad. Which makes writing bit difficult since I can’t really lay my hands on top of it, but need to hold them bit on the air..
It’s how it is.

Wondering the future like always, but it’s interesting, now I have a structure so I know I’ll be “free” on second week of february, which is hopefully SOS…

By the Way, the prices of Kisakeskus have suddenly gone up with 9 euros per day… Every previous year the price went up about one euro/person/day, now it’s suddenly 9euros/person/day.. I don’t know what is happening but it looks like we need to find new place for the festival… Unless we can talk some sense into that. Or then just stop organizing the whole thing. But really I was thinking of organising some smaller even in kisakeskus during the summer, but with these kind of price rates… maybe not.

Anyway, after SOS I have about 6 weeks free… but I really think I need to make some money.. or work.. I was already hopeful of teaching.. but, well, the original suggestion I got didn’t sound super realistic, and now it’s not going to happen..

I need to write a plan of the piece I want to make in Sevilla, and soon… But to get funding for that so soon… Uh, I’m not sure of… Maybe.

All and all, it’s sometimes hard to be yourself when you feel that being yourself, and not playing along certain roles is making things more difficult… but then again, what is difficult and what kind of roles you want to play?

Partly letting go of everything, as much as I can.
Partly holding on of something.

This society, way of living will brake down.
It has happened so many times before.
Maybe now, humans, if we survive are able to create some other system instead of repeating the old.

And maybe I can find that place already now, before the fall.

Cities with Harbour


A short note once again.

After 3 weeks of ibiza festivals I came to Marseilles to work with Mathilde and the group.
Has been really good. We had our performances yesterday and today… And they went ok, today better than yesterday I think. Tomorrow we are going to do small work in progress showing, but with something completely else.

On tuesday I take a train to Frankfurt. Happy and exited to go there. Reasons why, might reveal themselves later. If…
I need a place to live in frankfurt. Both women I though I could live with have found a place for themselves. And I know I will find really nice place and very soon… But maybe I need to change it to live there alone… Let’s see.

Been doing bodyworks/massages extempore, and getting peopke to cry… It’s interesting… But all by accident.
Still thinking how I can sell this work onwards and enough…
I know I’m good at it, but I know I can be better, with time and experience and studies.

Ok, tomorrow is a change of space, from this what was to something in the middle and then it’s time to travel, and be between a bit more…
But I wait that…

Good night and good luck to you all.

3 weeks of rain

No, not really, but thinking it’s ibiza and august, surprisingly lot.
Well, I don’t have a long history over here so how would I know, jsut never before in past 5 years.

3rd week of the festival is starting today.. I’m way too tired but I can only blame myself going to sleep at 3 o’clock instead of 00 or 1 and waking up around 9 everyday.

Lovely time lovely people, but it’s quite a lot.
And this year I’ll continue straight one to another week of work, nevertheless I think it will be easy, since not so much people and energy around.

Dancing has been and is amazing, only the coldness of the past few nights has set some challenges.
Either to move fast, keep warm but wear yourself out, or then go fast, then when taking easier getting cold because of the chill.. I hope some more warmth comes to meet us in coming nights.

Heard that Laura (you’re more than superstar) who I met in Fraiburg got into Frankfurt. Being very happy about that since it’s nice to have nice people on your class.

At some moments worried already about the future, but then decided to pass it into the future, since now, over here only things to worry about is clean dance clothes and lack of sleep.

All and all, after wasting few years into nothing… Life is great right now. And it will continue staying great, even if I don’t always notice it…

Feeling that I know more and more.
Trick is to know.
I always knew, but didn’t trust it.
Can’t trust it always now either, but more and more.
Lovely people on our way.

Soon I’ll start the school and I’m thinking how much of that will filter through here… and how much I try to place under another headline..

Things are, as thay are.

Heat waves and rain drops

Listening Alan Watts..
How do you write at the same time.
But I do.

Long since…
to whom I write to?


After spending five months in finland, well, very small trip just before end of it to Cöpenhagen…
After spending almost five months in finland, it was time to do our first performance evening as TTTT.
It went nicely. I hope ther future performance went as well.
Me, then again left on the next moning towards Ibiza, where we had MTP meeting and then the Wetting of two dear friends. Has any party ever been as good as the wetting? I don’t know, it was good. was dance quite a few hours, with the help of inspiration from Asaf, who seemed to be dancing even more.

After wetting hanged around and tried to help a bit with the house, but I feel that I could have done more.
I need clear schedules I’m afraid.

Flew to Marseilles, to meet Mathilde and Julien. Went to Apt and ended up to sitespecific performance, ate great sausages had fun, and on the next day continued towards the mountains to do the global underscore. You know what, dancing is great.

after returned to Marseilles, did a version of “everything’s the same” but didn’t take on video.

on last day, went to have a little walk along the calong with Julien and then hopped into the train to paris where Natalie was picking me up with Velip. Bicycling is great.

La ferme jam was great, since dancing is great and there was great people dancing.
So of them were well met, some of them even better.

Flew to Poland where enjoyed a lovely hosting of Wileka and finally found the yellow black onitsuka tiger’s mexico ’66 on right size and bought them.

I wasn’t expecting much of the Warsaw Flow, but hell, it was one of the best festivals I’ve been to. Big part of it was the smallness (I think 50-60 people) and at the same time the other festivals that were happenign around and were incorporated loosely in. So almost every niht after jam there was a bar in next by lawn and hammocks and a stage, so I went with someone(s) to have beer or two… some night there was party and music… and then on my way back to hostel there was another party… Dancing dancing.

After all of the enjoyment, spacially after my two little workshop days when we were in the bar drinking beer and making bodyworks… I went to berlin.
Berlin is hippy or maybe it’s the people I meet there… well, Lemmer is not very hippy at all.

I had the reason to return to Paris, so I did, and am here now. It’s been really really hot. And today is the first one that it’s raining. at times… rain and heat.

More personal..
Human being is a strange thing.
When I though I didn’t get into the Frankfurt University of Music and Performing Arts to study dance pedagogy, I was rather sad, depressed…. Then when I heard that actually I’m in, I have this.. Uuhh, what, I need to be in frankfurt for 2 years… aarrghh.. But actually it’s quite pleasant.. to ahve a structure around once again… Of course there’s a lot of questions, mainly about time and money but all and all I’m rather happy about it…

That’s about it… again… later.. maybe about control, freedom…



Should do should do, instead I’m sick.
Flu is not nice, luckily tomorrow is the last performance for a while.

Yes yes… eventually I will write, about freedom, control, imaginary being equals present being and so on.


Relapse 2nd version


I have no idea why the name.

I’ve meaning to write. I haven’t
At some point.
(I break)

An improvisation. Second play for the guitar, but the first time for lyrics.
turned out… well things turn out.



Don’t know, meaning to write but then I don’t.
About freedom about lot of things..

Picked up my acoustic today and singing playing took me on a little trip.
Accepting is difficult.

Played and sang this just now, but concentrated bit too much on actual words, so melody lacked something. It’s how it is.

We will clean our mess

Katya filmed this. An improvisation.
Very important moment for me.



Well, today is a bit more difficult.
But enjoyed the sea even if didn’t swim, and company as well.

played guitar. recorded this.
Why bother to cencor.


A Place


Well. New post. I had a great experience in MTP when we were supposed to start cleaning but instead we started singing song. and then someone put guitar in my hand and I sang a song. and people liked it (Of course all of them are my friends more or less, but still). Maybe I put that song over here too if Katya send me the video.

Anyway. Now in cagliari, on the livingroom there was couple of guitars so I picked one.
Don’t listen to the words, there is none.

Lot of spare time


Title loaned from Elbows Any Day Now

Mind the Point was great.
Sucha learning process. Quite a few thoughts, running through the same courses as before. Trying to refine..
So in many ways as a happening for myself MTP was not perfect and because of that it was perfect. Again I know so much more how and what I would like things to go. Having meaningfull and meaningless discussions. Understanding how depth and shallow are just the same thing, and they are sometimes not distinquishable.

Movementwise I feel I’m in strange place,have been already from may onwards I think. Something keeps shifting all the time. I was talking with Ilona, we have dance about once a month or so, and every dance seems to be somehow different. Of course always dance’s are different, but that my patterns and qualities keep changing all the time. THe annoying thing is that I don’t feel I’m in control of this, and as a dancer I should be. Well, this is mainly only for CI, when I’m doing solo, I can decide much more it feels.

Back to MTP, well I’m happy it happened and I really feel we should continue as a group with the same topic next time, and maybe it happens already in december in israel.

So for a while been busy.

Today I’ll fly to Sardegna to have 2 days off (and hopefully warm, Paris is freezing) and then workshop. Teaching is great. I notice that more and more I would like to combine the “philosophy” in it. Because there’s so much in CI that you can see straight in life. Also is nice to see new place and new and familiar people. Maybe I find the cappucino machine over there. although I have no space in my pack.

I heard Marko might get me a working bike straight away when I get back. Now, that is good news, I hope it happens. Then again I hope that I’ll not stay in helsinki for too long straight away.

Ok I’m drifting off… and soon through Paris to the plane.

Time cause missing, I cause time

In finland.
Not feeling like writing much.
I miss Sveta.

Lots of feelings going on, about being 35, about not having home, about not knowing what will happen. We never know.
I know what I want.

PLayed some guitar for a change.
Nothing special, but since the main thing is doing.
Maybe you’ll enjoy.


Last days


Been on the intensive of Zahar…
After that…
well I’m thinking of quitting again.. but I’ve been thinking of quitting a lot last years and I haven’t… maybe I need to go towards other direction which is to do more.

Anyway… one thing that I actually said a loud on the course was that the relation to the past is always easier than the relation to the present. Why is this. Because past is always rendered into (almost) one single thing, action, mood sitation… somehow our (or at least mine) mental process makes it, in a way, flat. It’s still rich but compared to all of the things that are happenign right now, the past is just one thing that happened. and I can somehow make or feel the meaning of it, where as often the present is so full of things that have different meanings that I can’t render it into meaning… Somewhat interesting. To me.

I was checking open jobs from finland… doesn’t look so nice but now I made one application that I really hope will couse some repercussions…

All and all.. not much new and still lot of new…

Anyone over there who would like to practise improvisation as a performance form with me?

I need to practise more. And move.
And find a place to live.


In a way

Otra Vez yo tengo no idea que habla…
Oh my spanish..

So no idea.
CIP is over, Flow is beginning.
Relationships are funny and somewhat hard if either one is not comitted to it.
What is to commit.
Relating got some behavious from totally unrelated person which is really annoying.
In a long time I haven’t felt that there would have been someone who intentionally wants to harm my well being, but now yes… Oh well…
Why to care?

So roasting coffee didn’t work.
Now I return to finland it seems.
Then there is mind the point in Paris, which I hope and feel will be really good.
And after that I was invited to Italy, but money is uncertain which makes me uncertain.
But I have feeling to go to italy.
Then there is few weeks before Israel and then it’s bloody xmas… so… stable…
But after, I’ll stay foot. one place or at elast a way to pay the base.
playing more guitar and trying to make music… that’s my plan. but then the work and money, oh well.

And relationship. no, I don’t want to commnet that now.

Dancing has been great, very different.
Intensive of Daniel Lepkoff was quite nice, had some ideas by misundestanding his words. More and more thinking performing, making piece by piece but how I make the living?

By writing by talking by teaching?

loops of feedback feedback looping…

reading books, will tell later… now I think it’s time for us to go… been sitting for too long. and others of the aprty are getting anxious.

Take care, offer me a job…
I can do everything, and somethings with quality, but it seems I’m not able to create my own work…
I need collaborations.



So imagine this, I’m writing Again.

I though I had something.. wait…
Music is leaving behind, I’m unhappy but right now I have no resources for it. Althoguh it’s not leaving behind in my head, so now worries.

Got some mail… well thinking again about intimacy and why it seems to be so hard. Well it is hard.
Meating people is easy, but for me it’s rather difficult.. I don’t know why it feels so unnatural or difficult to go and introduce myself… To do it fluently I feel I need to put on somekind of mask… a play.. somehow.. well, at elast at the moment it’s like this.

So to stay working here (if there is a work) means quite little money and the first month without nothing… and then finding a moto and house and so on and so on… But then again I’m interested of the job. TO go to finland means totally open everything but theer is more friends parents and networks and jobs for sure but then again not so certain that the jobs are nice ones.
Anyway, I don’t have to worry much about it yet since they will have meeting tomorrow and then they know what they want and then I can decide what I want…
Anyway it looks like I should rob a bank (again)

Oh like I mentioned before I’ve been drawing with brush and ink… straight link to some is this. you can find more, I have taken picture and posted about every page I’ve done…

Art, what the hell is art.
Life, what the ehll is life.
Hilarious isn’t it?

Good Job offers! please send them to me…

Looking for flights again… oijoijoi… bank, robbed.

I’ve been in slight ache for a long time… I don’t do enough… or I’m getting old and now i really need to start do things.

Same old.

« Previous PageNext Page »